That night on Oxenford there burst
    A sound of strong men at their revels,
  And stroke, in vinous lore unversed,
  Retired, if you must know the worst,
    On feet that swam at different levels,
  Nor knew till morning brought its cares
    That, while the cup was freely flowing,
  He’d scaled a flight of moving stairs
  And commandeered his tutor’s chairs
    To keep the college bonfire going.

  Immortal youth it was that bound
    Us twain together, beauteous river;
  And, though these limbs just crawl around
  That once would scarcely touch the ground,
    And alcohol upsets my liver,
  Still, in a punt or lithe canoe
    I can revive my vernal heyday,
  Pretend the sky’s ethereal blue,
  The golden kingcups’ cheery hue,
    Spell my, as well as Nature’s, Mayday.

  The evening glows, the swallow skims
    Between the water and the willows;
  The blackbirds pipe their evening hymns,
  A punt awaits at Mr. Tims’
    With generous tea and lots of pillows,
  And of all girls the first, the best
    To play at youth with this old fossil;
  Then Isis, as we glide to rest
  Upon thy shadow-dappled breast,
    We’ll pledge thee in a generous wassail.

  ALGOL.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  Mistress. “DID EVERYTHING COME FROM THE STORES THAT I ORDERED?”

Maid. “EVERYTHINK, MUM, ’CEPT THE ’ADDICK, WHICH IS COMING ON BY ITSELF LATER.”]

* * * * *

ENGLAND UNBENDS.

REPORTS FROM SPA AND SHORE.

SCARGATE.—­This famous Yorkshire Spa is now in a condition of hectic activity and offers a plethora of attractions.  A recent analysis of the waters shows that the proportion of sapid ovaloid particles and sulphuretted trinitrotoluene is larger than ever.  Lieutenant Platt-Stithers’ stincopated anthropoid orchestra plays four times daily—­in the early morning and at noon for the relief of the water-drinkers, and in the afternoon and evening in the rotating Jazz Hall.  Special attractions this week include cinema lectures daily on the domestic life of the Solomon Islanders by Mr. Nicholas Ould; a recital on the Bolophone on Thursday by Mr. Tertius Quodling, and, at the Grand Opera House, Pope Joan and The Flip-Flappers.  On Saturday the Stridcar Golf Club will hold a series of competitions in rational fancy dress for the benefit of the Phonetic Spelling Association.

FALLALMOUTH.—­Visitors to this romantic resort are offered a wide field of entertainment and moral uplift.  The steamer excursions embrace trips up the lovely river Fallal to Gongor, famous for the prehistoric remains of the shrine of Saint Opodeldoc, and to beauty spots in the harbour like Glumgallion, Trehenna and Pangofflin Creek.  There are also excursions in armed motor-char-a-bancs to Boscagel,