CHARIVARIA.

“The public will not stand for increased railway fares,” says a contemporary.  They have had too much standing at the old prices.

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A Mile End man writes to The Daily Express to say that one of his ducks laid four eggs in one day.  It seems about the most sensible thing the bird could have done with them.

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As a result of the recent Tube extension, passengers can now travel from the Bank to Ealing in thirty-five minutes.  It is further claimed that the route passes under some of the most beautiful scenery in England.

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Mersey shipyard workers have made a demand on their employers for five pounds ten shillings a week when not working and seven pounds a week when working.  This proposal to discriminate between the men who work and those who don’t is condemned in more advanced trade union circles as savouring dangerously of capitalism.

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“One evening at Covent Garden,” says M. Abel HERMANT in Le Temps, “will teach more correct behaviour than six months’ lessons from a certified professor of etiquette.”  Opinion among the smart set is divided as to whether he means Covent Garden Theatre or Covent Garden Market.

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The Bolshevists in Petrograd are finding a difficulty in the appointment of a public executioner.  This is just the chance for a man who wants a nice steady job.

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On looking up our diary we find that the mad mullah is just about due to be killed again.  We wonder if anything is being done in the matter.

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A German merchant is anxious to get into touch with a big stamp-dealer in this country.  Our feeling is that the postmaster-general is the man he wants.

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We are asked to deny the rumour that Sir Philip sassoon has been appointed touring manager to the Peace Conference.

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A Newbury man has succeeded in breeding pink-coated tame rats.  It is said that the Prohibitionists hope to exterminate these, as they did the green ones.

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A blunder of thirty million pounds in the estimates for British operations in Russia is revealed in a White Paper.  It is expected that the Government will bequeath it to the nation.

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Owing to the high cost of material we understand that a certain pill is to-day worth L1 11s. 6d. a box.

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The Sinn Feiners now threaten to capture one of our new battleships.  We sincerely hope that the Government will place a caretaker on board each of our most valuable Dreadnoughts.

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A Lanarkshire magistrate the other day doubted whether a miner could remember details of an accident which happened two years ago.  It is said that the miner had vivid recollections of the affair as it happened to be the day he was at work.