“What is the reason that I have been, all my lifetime, more or less ennuye? and that, if any thing, I am rather less so now than I was at twenty, as far as my recollection serves?  I do not know how to answer this, but presume that it is constitutional,—­as well as the waking in low spirits, which I have invariably done for many years.  Temperance and exercise, which I have practised at times, and for a long time together vigorously and violently, made little or no difference.  Violent passions did;—­when under their immediate influence—­it is odd, but—­I was in agitated, but not in depressed, spirits.

“A dose of salts has the effect of a temporary inebriation, like light champagne, upon me.  But wine and spirits make me sullen and savage to ferocity—­silent, however, and retiring, and not quarrelsome, if not spoken to.  Swimming also raises my spirits,—­but in general they are low, and get daily lower.  That is hopeless; for I do not think I am so much ennuye as I was at nineteen.  The proof is, that then I must game, or drink, or be in motion of some kind, or I was miserable.  At present, I can mope in quietness; and like being alone better than any company—­except the lady’s whom I serve.  But I feel a something, which makes me think that, if I ever reach near to old age, like Swift, ’I shall die at top’ first.  Only I do not dread idiotism or madness so much as he did.  On the contrary, I think some quieter stages of both must be preferable to much of what men think the possession of their senses.

“January 7. 1821, Sunday.

“Still rain—­mist—­snow—­drizzle—­and all the incalculable combinations of a climate where heat and cold struggle for mastery.  Head Spence, and turned over Roscoe, to find a passage I have not found.  Read the fourth vol. of W. Scott’s second series of ‘Tales of my Landlord.’  Dined.  Read the Lugano Gazette.  Read—­I forget what.  At eight went to conversazione.  Found there the Countess Geltrude, Betti V. and her husband, and others.  Pretty black-eyed woman that—­only nineteen—­same age as Teresa, who is prettier, though.

“The Count Pietro G. took me aside to say that the Patriots have had notice from Forli (twenty miles off) that to-night the government and its party mean to strike a stroke—­that the Cardinal here has had orders to make several arrests immediately, and that, in consequence, the Liberals are arming, and have posted patroles in the streets, to sound the alarm and give notice to fight for it.

“He asked me ‘what should be done?’ I answered, ’Fight for it, rather than be taken in detail;’ and offered, if any of them are in immediate apprehension of arrest, to receive them in my house (which is defensible), and to defend them, with my servants and themselves (we have arms and ammunition), as long as we can,—­or to try to get them away under cloud of night.  On going home, I offered him the pistols which I had about me—­but he refused, but said he would come off to me in case of accidents.