Come!  Why, halloa, that you, Jack? 
      How’s the world been using you? 
    Want your pipe? it’s in the jar—­
      Think I might be looking blue. 
    Maud’s been breaking off with me,
      Fact—­see here—­I’ve got the ring. 
    That’s the note she sent it in;
      Read it—­soothing sort of thing. 
    Jack, you know I write sometimes—­
      Must have read some things of mine. 
    Well, I thought I’d just send Maud
      Something for a valentine. 
    So I ground some verses out
      In the softest kind of style,
    Full of love, and that, you know—­
      Bothered me an awful while;
    Quite a heavy piece of work. 
      So when I had got them done—­
    Why, I thought them much too good
      Just to waste that way on one. 
    Jack, I told you, didn’t I,
      All about that black-eyed girl
    Up in Stratford—­last July—­
      Oh! you know; you saw her curl? 
    Well, old fellow, she’s the one
      That this row is all about,
    For I sent her—­who’d have thought
      Maud would ever find it out—­
    Those same verses, word for word—­
      Hang it, man! you needn’t roar—­
    “Splendid joke!” well, so I thought—­
      No, don’t think so any more. 
    Yesterday, you know it rained,
      I’d been up late—­at a ball—­
    Didn’t know what else to do—­
      Went up and made Maud a call,
    Found some other girl there, too,
      They were playing a duet. 
    “Fred, my cousin, Nelly Deane,”—­
      Yes, Jack, there was my brunette;
    You should just have seen me, Jack—­
      Now, old fellow, please don’t laugh,
    I feel bad about it—­fact—­
      And I really can’t stand chaff. 
    Well, I tried to talk to Maud,
      There was Nell, though, sitting by;
    Every now and then she’d laugh,
      Sure I can’t imagine why. 
    Maud would read that beastly poem,
      Nell’s eyes said in just one glance,
    “Wont I make you pay for this,
      If I ever get the chance!”
    Some one came and rang the bell,
      Just a note for Nell, by post. 
    Jack, I saw my monogram—­
      I’d have rather seen a ghost. 
    Yes—­her verses—­I suppose
      That her folks had sent them down—­
    Couldn’t get up there, you know—­
      Till she’d left and come to town. 
    Nelly looked them quickly through—­
      Laughed—­by Jove, I thought she’d choke. 
    “Maud—­he’ll kill me—­dear! oh, dear!—­
      Read that; isn’t it a joke?”
    Maud glanced through them—­sank right down
      On the sofa—­hid her face—­
    “Crying!”—­not much—­laughing, Jack—­
      Don’t think she’s a hopeless case. 
    I just grabbed my hat and left—­
      Only wish I’d gone before. 
    How they laughed!—­I heard them, Jack—­
      Till I got outside the door. 
    There, confession’s done me good,
      I can never win her back,
    So I’ll calmly let her slide—­
      Pass the ash-cup, will you, Jack.