To take, without one thought of evil plotting,
    Even without one last protesting kick,
  Thus kindly to somnambulistic trotting—­
    Oh, James, old pal, it was a dirty trick;
  To show the yarns I’d told of you and written
    (In letters home) were not entirely swank
  At very least, I think, you might have bitten
        The policeman at the Bank.

* * * * *

BOAT RACE “INTELLIGENCE.”

“The Oxford University crew arrived at Henley yesterday for a week’s practice.  The Cambridge president, Mr. E.A.  Berrisford, accompanied the crew as spare man.”—­Provincial Paper.

* * * * *

    “The Government, said Mr. Bonar Law, had not received any intimation
    from the Netherlands Government that Holland had decided to keep the
    ex-Kaiser in Curacoa.”—­Evening Standard.

Good news for Mr. PUSSYFOOT.

* * * * *

    “ESSEX and SUSSEX BORDERS.—­To be Let, well-built Mansion, surrounded
    by fine gardens, situate in one of the finest parts of this delightful
    country.”—­Daily Paper.

But it must be rather a nuisance to cross the Thames every time you want to go from the Essex to the Sussex wing.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  MANNERS AND MODES.

TYPICAL COSTUME FOR AN EARNEST WORKER IN THE CAUSE OF CHARITY.]

* * * * *

[Illustration:  BEHIND THE SCENES IN CINEMA-LAND.

THE RAGE EXHIBITED BY AN AUTHOR WHILE HAVING ONE OF HIS NOVELS FILMED IS UTILISED BY THE INTELLIGENT MANAGER OF THE FILM COMPANY FOR A NEW “THREE-REEL COMIC,” ENTITLED “HOW AUTHORS WORK.”]

* * * * *

SUZANNE’S BANKING ACCOUNT.

“These want paying,” said Suzanne as she bounced into my nominally sacred den at a strictly prohibited hour.  Therewith she thrust a dossier of tradesmen’s bills into my feebly-resisting hands, and bang went an idea I had been tenderly nursing since breakfast.

“But I can’t spend the rest of the morning writing cheques,” I protested.  “I’m engaged just now on a most important article.”

“With your eyes shut,” commented Suzanne, stooping to a grossly unfair insinuation.  “I must tell Cook to make the breakfast coffee stronger in future; then you might manage to—­”

“Look here, Suzanne, you’ve been married to me long enough to know my methods of work.  I can’t begin an article until I’ve got the whole thing shaped in my mind, and to do that I must shut out everything else.”

“Especially your wife, I suppose.  Well, I won’t stay.  You’ve got all the bills there; but don’t start writing the cheques till you’ve got them well shaped in your mind.”

“But what on earth does all this mass of accounting literature represent?” I asked.