I dreaded the nights as I’d dreaded nothing before in my life; with darkness everything seemed to become intensified.  Whenever I did manage to snatch a few moments’ sleep the dreadful demon that seemed to lurk somewhere just out of sight would pop up and jerk my leg again.  I would think to myself “Now I will really catch him next time,” and I would lie waiting in readiness, but just as I thought I was safe, jerk! and my leg would jump worse than ever.  I clenched my fists in rage, and the V.A.D. came from behind the screen to smooth the pillows for me.  I used to lie and think of all the thousands of men in hospital and perhaps even lying untended in No-man’s-land going through twice as much as I, and wondered if the world would really be any the better for all this suffering or if it would be forgotten as soon as the war was over.  It seemed to be rather a waste if it was to be so.

When morning came there were the dressings to be done.  At 10 o’clock I used to try and imagine it was really 11, and all over, but the rattle of the trolley and terribly cheerful voice of Sister left room for no illusions on that score.  My hands were useful on these occasions, and at the end of the half hour were excellent examples of the shape of my teeth!  They were practically the only parts completely uninjured, and I knew that whatever happened I could still play the violin again.

I could not understand why one leg had jumping nerves and the other apparently had none and argued that the one must be half-broken to account for it.  The B.E.F. specialist also paid frequent visits.

Then one evening, the third or fourth I think, Captain C. came in and sat down in the shadow, looking very grave.

I think it must have been one of the worst half-hours he ever spent.  It is not a job any man would relish to tell someone who is particularly fond of life that they have lost one leg and the other has only just been saved!  I was speechless for some minutes; in fact I refused to believe it.  It took a long time for the full horror of the situation to dawn on me.  It will seem odd that I did not feel I had lost my leg, but one never has that sensation even when on crutches; the nerves are unfortunately too much alive.

Captain C. stayed a long time and the evening drew on but still he sat there and talked to me quietly in the darkness.  I wondered why I couldn’t cry, but somehow it seemed to have nothing to do with me at all.  I was not the girl who had lost a leg.  It was merely someone else I was hearing about.  “Jolly bad luck on them,” I thought, “rotten not to be able to run about any more.”