1.  The FANTASTIKS announce their shortcomings in chorus of original words to the opening music of the Bing Boys—­“We’re the FANTASTIKS, and we rise at six and don’t get much time to rehearse, so if songs don’t go, and the show is slow, well, we hope you’ll say it might have been worse,” etc., etc.

2. Violin 1.  “Andantino” (Kreisler) }
} P.B.  WADDELL
2.  “Capriccioso” (Drdla) }
3. Recitation Humorous N.F.  LOWSON
4. Chorus Song “Piccadilly” FANTASTIKS (in monocles)
5. Stories M. RICHARDSON
6. China Town FANTASTIKS
(Sung in the dark with lighted Chinese lanterns, quite
professional in effect—­at least we hoped so!)
7. Recitation Serious B. HUTCHINSON
8.  Mr. Lenard Ashwell and his } { M. RICHARDSON
Ventriloquist Doll } { P.B.  WADDELL
9. Duet “When the Clock strikes Thirteen” G. QUIN AND
W. MORDAUNT
10. Violin Solo “Zigeunerweisen” (Sarasate) P.B.  WADDELL
11. Song “Au Revoir” W. MORDAUNT
12. The Kangaroo Hop FANTASTIKS

The chorus wore their goat-coats for this last item, and with animal masks fixed by elastic, bears, wolves, elephants, etc., it was distinctly realistic.

When “God save the King” had been sung, and the usual thanks and cheers given, and received, the Sergeant-Major from the Canteen (with the beautiful waxed moustache) rushed forward to say that light refreshments had been provided.  The “grizzly bears” were only too thankful, as they had had no time to snatch even a bun before they left camp.

CHAPTER XVI

THE LAST RIDE

The hardest job in the Convoy was admittedly that of the big lorry, for, early and late, it was first and last on the field.

It took all the stretchers and blankets to the different hospitals, cleared up the quay after an early evacuation, brought stretchers and blankets up to the Convoy, took the officers’ kits to hospital and boats, and rationed the ambulance trains and barges.  “Jimmy” took to the Vulcan instinctively when the Convoy was first started and jealously kept to the job, but after a time she was forcibly removed therefrom in order to take a rest.  I could sympathize—­I knew how I had felt about the little lorry.

The job was to be taken in fortnightly turns, and while the old Vulcan lorry was being overhauled a Wyllis-Overland was sent in its place.

The disadvantage of the lorry was that you never saw any of your friends, for you were always on duty when they were off, and vice versa; also you hardly ever had meals when they did.  Eva’s fortnight was almost up, and I was hoping to see something of her before I went on leave when one night in she came with the news that I was the next one for it—­hardly a welcome surprise; and down at barges that evening—­it was a Sunday—­Gamwell, the Sergeant, told me officially I was to take on the job next morning at 5 a.m.