Numerology:  the Universal Adjuster!  Do you know:  What you appear to be to others?  What you really are?  What you want to be?  What would overcome your present and future difficulties?  Write to x, Philosopher.  You will receive full particulars of his personal work which is dedicated to your service.  No problem is too big or too small for Numerology.  Understanding awaits you.

And looking in the body of the magazine, you find this Philosopher imparting some of this Understanding.  Would you like, for example, to understand why America entered the War?  Nothing easier.  The vowels of the Words United States of America are uieaeoaeia, which are numbered 2951561591, which added make 45, or 4 plus 5 equals 9.  You might not at first see what that has to do with the War—­until the Philosopher points out that “9 is the number of completion, indicating the end of a cosmic cycle.”  That, of course, explains everything.

And here is a work on what you perhaps thought to be a dead science, Astrology.  It is called “Lucky Hours for Everybody:  A True System of Planetary Hours—­by Prof.  John B. Early.  Price One Dollar.”  It teaches you things like this: 

Saturn’s negative hours are especially good for all matters relating to gold-mining....  The Sun negative rules the emerald, the musical note D sharp, and the number four.  The lunar hours are a good time to deal in public commodities, and to hire servants of both sexes....

A recent lady visitor informed me that she had made several vain attempts to transact important business in the hours ruled by Jupiter, usually held to be fortunate, while she was nearly always fortunate in what she began in the hours ruled by Saturn.  Upon investigation I found her name was ruled by the Sun negative, and that she had Capricorn with Saturn therein as her ascendant at birth, which explains.

And finally, here is a London “scientist”, reported in the “Weekly Unity” of Kansas City, who proves his mental power over two-horse power oil engines which fail to act.  “Going a little apart, he came back in a few minutes and said:  ’The engine is all right now and will work satisfactorily.’ and without any further difficulty it did.”  We are told how Dr. Rawson gave a demonstration of his method to a newspaper reporter the other day.  Fixing his gaze as though looking into space, he apparently became absorbed in deep contemplation and said aloud:  “There is no danger; man is surrounded by divine love; there is no matter; all is spirit and manifestation of spirit.”

You might at first find difficulty in believing what can be accomplished by “demonstrations” such as this; not merely are two-horse power oil engines made to work, but the whole gigantic machine of Prussian militarism is prevented from working.  You may recall how Arthur Machen’s magazine story of the Angels of Mons was taken up and made into a Catholic legend over-night; now here is a New-Nonsense legend, complete and perfect, going the rounds of our Nonsense magazines: