“‘The little woman,’ says Perry, ’has made some improvements, I believe.  You can’t understand, Buck.  I haven’t been away from the house at night since we was married.’

“We talked on a while, me and Perry, and, as sure as I live, that man interrupted me in the middle of my talk to tell me about six tomato plants he had growing in his garden.  Shoved his agricultural degradation right up under my nose while I was telling him about the fun we had tarring and feathering that faro dealer at California Pete’s layout!  But by and by Perry shows a flicker of sense.

“‘Buck,’ says he, ’I’ll have to admit that it is a little dull at times.  Not that I’m not perfectly happy with the little woman, but a man seems to require some excitement now and then.  Now, I’ll tell you:  Mariana’s gone visiting this afternoon, and she won’t be home till seven o’clock.  That’s the limit for both of us—­seven o’clock.  Neither of us ever stays out a minute after that time unless we are together.  Now, I’m glad you came along, Buck,’ says Perry, ’for I’m feeling just like having one more rip-roaring razoo with you for the sake of old times.  What you say to us putting in the afternoon having fun—­I’d like it fine,’ says Perry.

“I slapped that old captive range-rider half across his little garden.

“‘Get your hat, you old dried-up alligator,’ I shouts, ’you ain’t dead yet.  You’re part human, anyhow, if you did get all bogged up in matrimony.  We’ll take this town to pieces and see what makes it tick.  We’ll make all kinds of profligate demands upon the science of cork pulling.  You’ll grow horns yet, old muley cow,’ says I, punching Perry in the ribs, ’if you trot around on the trail of vice with your Uncle Buck.’

“‘I’ll have to be home by seven, you know,’ says Perry again.

“‘Oh, yes,’ says I, winking to myself, for I knew the kind of seven o’clocks Perry Rountree got back by after he once got to passing repartee with the bartenders.

“We goes down to the Gray Mule saloon—­that old ’dobe building by the depot.

“‘Give it a name,’ says I, as soon as we got one hoof on the foot-rest.

“‘Sarsaparilla,’ says Perry.

“You could have knocked me down with a lemon peeling.

“‘Insult me as much as you want to,’ I says to Perry, ’but don’t startle the bartender.  He may have heart-disease.  Come on, now; your tongue got twisted.  The tall glasses,’ I orders, ’and the bottle in the left-hand corner of the ice-chest.’

“‘Sarsaparilla,’ repeats Perry, and then his eyes get animated, and I see he’s got some great scheme in his mind he wants to emit.

“‘Buck,’ says he, all interested, ’I’ll tell you what!  I want to make this a red-letter day.  I’ve been keeping close at home, and I want to turn myself a-loose.  We’ll have the highest old time you ever saw.  We’ll go in the back room here and play checkers till half-past six.’

“I leaned against the bar, and I says to Gotch-eared Mike, who was on watch: