Wood. So! there is one broadside already:  I must sheer off.
          
                                                   [Aside.

Pleas. What, you have been pricking up and down here upon a cold scent[11]; but, at last, you have hit it off, it seems!  Now for a fair view at the wife or mistress:  up the wind, and away with it:  Hey, Jowler!—­I think I am bewitched, I cannot hold.

Wood. Your servant, your servant, madam:  I am in a little haste at present. [Going.

Pleas. Pray resolve me first, for which of them you lie in ambush; for, methinks, you have the mien of a spider in her den.  Come, I know the web is spread, and whoever comes, Sir Cranion stands ready to dart out, hale her in, and shed his venom.

Wood. [Aside.] But such a terrible wasp, as she, will spoil the snare, if I durst tell her so.

Pleas. It is unconscionably done of me, to debar you the freedom and civilities of the house.  Alas, poor gentleman! to take a lodging at so dear a rate, and not to have the benefit of his bargain!—­Mischief on me, what needed I have said that? [Aside.

Wood. The dialogue will go no farther.  Farewell, gentle, quiet lady.

Pleas. Pray stay a little; I’ll not leave you thus.

Wood. I know it; and therefore mean to leave you first.

Pleas. O, I find it now! you are going to set up your bills, like a love-mountebank, for the speedy cure of distressed widows, old ladies, and languishing maids in the green-sickness:  a sovereign remedy.

Wood. That last, for maids, would be thrown away:  Few of your age are qualified for the medicine.  What the devil would you be at, madam?

Pleas. I am in the humour of giving you good counsel.  The wife can afford you but the leavings of a fop; and to a witty man, as you think yourself, that is nauseous:  The mistress has fed upon a fool so long, she is carrion too, and common into the bargain.  Would you beat a ground for game in the afternoon, when my lord mayor’s pack had been before you in the morning?

Wood. I had rather sit five hours at one of his greasy feasts, then hear you talk.

Pleas. Your two mistresses keep both shop and warehouse; and what they cannot put off in gross, to the keeper and the husband, they sell by retail to the next chance-customer.  Come, are you edified?

Wood. I am considering how to thank you for your homily; and, to make a sober application of it, you may have some laudable design yourself in this advice.

Pleas. Meaning, some secret inclination to that amiable person of yours?

Wood. I confess, I am vain enough to hope it; for why should you remove the two dishes, but to make me fall more hungrily on the third?