Ajax. I would.

Achil. Expect.

Ajax. Farewell. [Exeunt severally.

Thers. Curse on them, they want wine; your true fool will never
fight without it.  Or a drab, a drab; Oh for a commodious drab betwixt
them! would Helen had been here! then it had come to something. 
  Dogs, lions, bulls, for females tear and gore;
  And the beast, man, is valiant for his whore. [Exit THERSITES.

ACT III.  SCENE I.

  Enter THERSITES.

Thers. Shall the idiot Ajax use me thus? he beats me, and I rail at him.  O worthy satisfaction! would I could but beat him, and he railed at me!  Then there’s Achilles, a rare engineer; if Troy be not taken till these two undermine it, the walls will stand till they fall of themselves.  Now the plague on the whole camp, or rather the pox; for that’s a curse dependent on those that fight, as we do, for a cuckold’s quean.—­What, ho, my lord Achilles!

  Enter PATROCLUS.

Patro. Who’s there, Thersites?  Good Thersites, come in and rail.

Thers. If I could have remembered an ass with gilt trappings, thou hadst not slipped out of my contemplation.  But it is no matter:  thyself upon thyself! the common curse of mankind, folly and ignorance, be thine in great abundance!  Heavens bless thee from a tutor, and discipline come not near thee!—­I have said my prayers; and the devil, Envy, say Amen.  Where’s Achilles?

  Enter ACHILLES.

Achil. Who’s there, Thersites?  Why, my digestion, why hast thou not served thyself to my table so many meals?  Come, begin; what’s Agamemnon?

Thers. Thy commander, Achilles.—­Then tell me, Patroclus, what’s Achilles?

Patro. Thy benefactor, Thersites.  Then tell me, pr’ythee, what’s thyself?

Thers. Thy knower, Patroclus.  Then tell me, Patroclus, what art thou?

Patro. Thou mayest tell, that knowest.

Achil. O, tell, tell.—­This must be very foolish; and I die to have my spleen tickled.

Thers. I’ll decline the whole question.  Agamemnon commands Achilles; Achilles is my benefactor; I am Patroclus’s knower; and Patroclus is a fool.

Patro. You rascal!

Achil, He is a privileged man; proceed, Thersites.  Ha, ha, ha! pr’ythee, proceed, while I am in the vein of laughing.

Thers. And all these foresaid men are fools.  Agamemnon’s a fool, to offer to command Achilles; Achilles is a fool, to be commanded by him; I am a fool, to serve such a fool; and Patroclus is a fool positive.

Patro. Why am I a fool?

Thers. Make that demand to heaven; it suffices me, thou art one.

Acini. Ha, ha, ha!  O give me ribs of steel, or I shall split with pleasure.—­Now play me Nestor at a night alarm:  mimick him rarely; make him cough and spit, and fumble with his gorget, and shake the rivets with his palsy hand, in and out, in and out; gad, that’s exceeding foolish.