“I do not feel in my own mind assured that the highest call in my case is to engage in a practical life.  In fact, I feel fairly well assured that it is not.  I do not know that I intend deliberately to shirk the responsibilities of moral action which fall in every feeling man’s way.  I rather mean that I shall face them from the ordinary standpoint, and not thrust myself into any position where helping my fellow-creatures is merely an official act.  I think shortly that by the plan I have vague thoughts of pursuing I may gain an influence among minds which will certainly be, if I win it, of a very high kind.  I dare not risk the possibilities by flying at lower game.

“Besides, I do not feel nearly enough assured of my ground to say that active work, as you describe it, is either advisable or necessary.  I want to examine and consider, to turn life and thought inside out, to see if I can piece together in the least the enormous problem of which God has flung us the fragments.  I do not despair of arriving at some inkling of that truth.  I shall try, if I gain it, to communicate that glimmering to others, if that is God’s will for me; if not, perhaps I shall be a little wiser or a little happier, at least a little more capable of receiving my illumination, when the time for that comes.

“I don’t feel as if I understood at all clearly what is God’s purpose for individuals.  I can’t take public opinion for granted.  I will not let it overwhelm me.  I want to stand aside and think; and my own prayer for my own children, if I had them, would rather be that they might be saved from being effective, when I see all the evils which success and mere effectiveness bring.

“What I had thought of doing was of going abroad for a year or two; but in that matter I am entirely in your hands, because I am dependent on you.  I consider travel not a luxury, but a necessity.  If you will make me an allowance for that purpose I shall very gladly accept it.  If not, I shall endeavour to get some post where I may make enough money to take me where I wish to go.  I shall throw myself upon the power ‘who providently caters for the sparrows’ after that.

“I propose to come home on Friday for a week or two.  This letter contains only a draft of what I should have preferred to say there in words.

  “I am your affectionate son,
      “Arthur Hamilton.”

His father curtly acknowledged this letter, but nothing more; and left the discussion of the subject to be a personal one.  They came to the following compromise.

Arthur was to engage for one year in some active profession, business, the law, medicine, schoolmastering, taking pupils; at the end of that time he was to make his choice; if he decided not to take up any profession, his father promised to allow him L350 a year as long as he lived, and to secure him the same sum after his own death.  This occupation was to extend from August till the August following.  He was allowed three days for his decision.