“After she’d gone I took a kit inventory ’an found we was down to our last clean collar, an’ we looked like bein’ a bit grubby in the matter of pyjamas.  I went a walk to the canteen to think it over, an’ on my way Madame’s lad came up an’ said ’is team ’ad an important match for two days later an’ could I possibly oblige ’em with a football.  Being a sportsman—­I take a franc chance in the camp football sweep every week—­I said I’d try what I could do, knowin’ of a ball which me an’ the other batmen punt about in our rare hintervals of leisure.  But then the thought of that washing that wasn’t washed came into my mind.

“’See ‘ere, Meredith,’ I says.  ’Je voo donneray a ball si votre mere does our washing toot sweet.’”

“‘E looked blue at this an’ said they couldn’t get fuel nohow.

“‘Compree scrounge?’ says I.

“It seems ’e did.  It seems scrounging for fuel ’ad reached such a pitch in the village that people took their backyard fences in at night, ’an they ’ad posted a policeman on the station to prevent ’em sawing away the waiting-room.  But our washing ’ad to be done, ’an I thought if I got the whole of this football team scrounging they might find something as everyone else ’ad overlooked.  So I pretended to be indifferink.

“‘Very well,’ says I.  ‘San fairy ann.  Napoo washing—­napoo ball.’

“That set ’em to work.  Next day little boys were scraping the village over like fowls in a farmyard, getting a chip ‘ere an’ a shaving there, an’ making themselves such a nuisance that there was talk of calling the gendarmerie out.  They would ’ave done, too, only he’d laid down for a nap an’ left strict orders ’e wasn’t to be disturbed.  Then they slipped into the Camp, trying to lay nefarious ’ands on empty ration boxes, but the Camp police spotted ’em an’ chivied them off.  I never seen our police so exhausted as they were at the end of that day.

“‘I can’t think what’s taken the little varmints,’ said the Provost-Sergeant.  ‘It ain’t the Fifth of November.’

“On the whole it wasn’t a good day’s ’unting, but this morning I was waited on by a deputation wearing striped jerseys, which they appeared to ’ave put on at early dawn.  They said the fire was lit under the copper, ’an could they ’ave the ball?

“‘Doucemong!’ says I.  ‘Allay along, an’ let’s see the fire first.’

“Yes, it were lit, but only just.  The water was lukewarm an’ the fuel ’ad nearly all burned away, an’ Madame was standing looking at it hopelessly.

“‘Pas bong,’ says I to the lads.  ’Pas assay chaud.  Voo scroungerez ongcore.’

“They was frantic, becos it was nearly match time.  I felt inclined to give ’em the ball, but the thought of you, Sir, in a dirty collar—­”

“You may keep the pair of old riding-breeches you borrowed without permission,” interrupted Percy.

“Thank you, Sir.  Then all at once the lads ‘ad a confab an’ went away, an’ in a few minutes they was back with some lovely straight planed props of timber, an’ they chopped ’em up in a jiffy ’an got the fire roaring ’ot, an’ I gave ’em the ball, an’ your collars is done an’ the rest of your things is out drying an’ will be finished to-morrow.”