The form of nervous egotism—­for it is both—­that suddenly ends in flusters just when the vital words need to be uttered, is the sign of coming defeat, for a conversation is often a contest.  If you feel this tendency embarrassing you, be sure to listen to Holmes’s advice: 

    And when you stick on conversational burs,
    Don’t strew your pathway with those dreadful urs.

Here bring your will into action, for your trouble is a wandering attention.  You must force your mind to persist along the chosen line of conversation and resolutely refuse to be diverted by any subject or happening that may unexpectedly pop up to distract you.  To fail here is to lose effectiveness utterly.

Concentration is the keynote of conversational charm and efficiency.  The haphazard habit of expression that uses bird-shot when a bullet is needed insures missing the game, for diplomacy of all sorts rests upon the precise application of precise words, particularly—­if one may paraphrase Tallyrand—­in those crises when language is no longer used to conceal thought.

We may frequently gain new light on old subjects by looking at word-derivations.  Conversation signifies in the original a turn-about exchange of ideas, yet most people seem to regard it as a monologue.  Bronson Alcott used to say that many could argue, but few converse.  The first thing to remember in conversation, then, is that listening—­respectful, sympathetic, alert listening—­is not only due to our fellow converser but due to ourselves.  Many a reply loses its point because the speaker is so much interested in what he is about to say that it is really no reply at all but merely an irritating and humiliating irrelevancy.

Self-expression is exhilarating.  This explains the eternal impulse to decorate totem poles and paint pictures, write poetry and expound philosophy.  One of the chief delights of conversation is the opportunity it affords for self-expression.  A good conversationalist who monopolizes all the conversation, will be voted a bore because he denies others the enjoyment of self-expression, while a mediocre talker who listens interestedly may be considered a good conversationalist because he permits his companions to please themselves through self-expression.  They are praised who please:  they please who listen well.

The first step in remedying habits of confusion in manner, awkward bearing, vagueness in thought, and lack of precision in utterance, is to recognize your faults.  If you are serenely unconscious of them, no one—­least of all yourself—­can help you.  But once diagnose your own weaknesses, and you can overcome them by doing four things: 

1. WILL to overcome them, and keep on willing.

2.  Hold yourself in hand by assuring yourself that you know precisely what you ought to say.  If you cannot do that, be quiet until you are clear on this vital point.