they’ll hammer the soul out of him afore they
let him git out from under the iron. I don’t
reckon they kin cure him, for what’s bred in
the bone, you know, won’t come out of the flesh;
but they’ll so bedevil bone and flesh, that I
reckon he’ll be the last Yankee that ever comes
to practice again in this Chestatee country.
Maybe, he ain’t deserving of much worse than
they kin do. Maybe, he ain’t a scamp of
the biggest wethers. His rascality ain’t
to be measured. Why, he kin walk through a man’s
pockets, jest as the devil goes through a crack or
a keyhole, and the money will naterally stick to him,
jest as ef he was made of gum turpentine. His
very face is a sort of kining [coining] machine.
His look says dollars and cents; and its always your
dollars and cents, and he kines them out of your hands
into his’n, jest with a roll of his eye, and
a mighty leetle turn of his finger. He cheats
in everything, and cheats everybody. Thar’s
not an old woman in the country that don’t say
her prayers back’ards when she thinks of Jared
Bunce. Thar’s his tin-wares and his wood-wares—his
coffeepots and kettles, all put together with saft
sodder—that jest go to pieces, as ef they
had nothing else to do. And he kin blarney you
so—and he’s so quick at a mortal lie—and
he’s got jest a good reason for everything—and
he’s so sharp at a ’scuse [excuse] that
it’s onpossible to say where he’s gwine
to have you, and what you’re a gwine to lose,
and how you’ll get off at last, and in what way
he’ll cheat you another time. He’s
been at this business, in these diggings, now about
three years. The regilators have swore a hundred
times to square off with him; but he’s always
got off tell now; sometimes by new inventions—sometimes
by bible oaths—and last year, by regilarly
cutting dirt [flight]. He’s hardly
a chance to git cl’ar now, for the regilators
are pretty much up to all his tricks, and he’s
mighty nigh to ride a rail for a colt, and get new
scores ag’in old scores, laid on with
the smartest hickories in natur’.”
“And who are the regulators?” asked the
youth, languidly.
“What! you from Georgy, and never to hear tell
of the regilators? Why, that’s the very
place, I reckon, where the breed begun. The regilators
are jest then, you see, our own people. We hain’t
got much law and justice in these pairts, and when
the rascals git too sassy and plentiful, we all turn
out, few or many, and make a business of cleaning
out the stables. We turn justices, and sheriffs,
and lawyers, and settle scores with the growing sinners.
We jine, hand in hand, agin such a chap as Jared Bunce,
and set in judgment upon his evil-doings. It’s
a regilar court, though we make it up ourselves, and
app’ints our own judges and juries, and pass
judgment ‘cordin’ to the case. Ef
it’s the first offence, or only a small one,
we let’s the fellow off with only a taste of
the hickory. Ef it’s a tough case, and an
old sinner, we give him a belly-full. Ef the
whole country’s roused, then Judge Lynch puts
on his black cap, and the rascal takes a hard ride
on a rail, a duck in the pond, and a perfect seasoning
of hickories, tell thar ain’t much left of him,
or, may be, they don’t stop to curry him, but
jest halters him at once to the nearest swinging limb.”