Don’t reason with me on this subject:  I know it is madness to continue to see her; but I find a delight in her conversation, which I cannot prevail on myself to give up till she is actually married.

I respect her engagements, and pretend to no more from her than her friendship; but, as to myself, will love her in whatever manner I please:  to shew you my prudence, however, I intend to dance with the handsomest unmarried Frenchwoman here on Thursday, and to shew her an attention which shall destroy all suspicion of my tenderness for Emily.  I am jealous of Sir George, and hate him; but I dissemble it better than I thought it possible for me to do.

My Lucy, I am not happy; my mind is in a state not to be described; I am weak enough to encourage a hope for which there is not the least foundation; I misconstrue her friendship for me every moment; and that attention which is meerly gratitude for my apparent anxiety to oblige.  I even fancy her eyes understand mine, which I am afraid speak too plainly the sentiments of my heart.

I love her, my dear girl, to madness; these three days—­

I am interrupted.  Adieu!

      Yours,
          Ed. Rivers.

’Tis Capt.  Fermor, who insists on my dining at Silleri.  They will eternally throw me in the way of this lovely woman:  of what materials do they suppose me formed?

LETTER 25.

To Miss Rivers, Clarges Street.

Silleri, Oct. 3, Twelve o’clock.

An enchanting ball, my dear; your little friend’s head is turned.  I was more admired than Emily, which to be sure did not flatter my vanity at all:  I see she must content herself with being beloved, for without coquetry ’tis in vain to expect admiration.

We had more than three hundred persons at the ball; above three fourths men; all gay and well dressed, an elegant supper; in short, it was charming.

I am half inclined to marry; I am not at all acquainted with the man I have fixed upon, I never spoke to him till last night, nor did he take the least notice of me, more than of other ladies, but that is nothing; he pleases me better than any man I have seen here; he is not handsome, but well made, and looks like a gentleman; he has a good character, is heir to a very pretty estate.  I will think further of it:  there is nothing more easy than to have him if I chuse it:  ’tis only saying to some of his friends, that I think Captain Fitzgerald the most agreable fellow here, and he will immediately be astonished he did not sooner find out I was the handsomest woman.  I will consider this affair seriously; one must marry, ’tis the mode; every body marries; why don’t you marry, Lucy?

This brother of yours is always here; I am surprized Sir George is not jealous, for he pays no sort of attention to me, ’tis easy to see why he comes; I dare say I shan’t see him next week:  Emily is going to Mrs. Melmoth’s, where she stays till to-morrow sevennight; she goes from hence as soon as dinner is over.