I wish you loved more tenderly, my dearest; you would then be more indulgent to my weakness:  I am ashamed of owning it even to you.

Ashamed, did I say? no, I rather glory in loving the most amiable, the most angelic of mankind.

Speak of him to me for ever; I abhor all conversation of which he is not the subject.  I am interrupted.  Adieu!

      Your faithful
          Emily.

My dearest, I tremble; he is at the door; how shall I meet him without betraying all the weakness of my heart? come to me this moment, I will not go down without you.  Your father is come to fetch me; follow me, I entreat:  I cannot see him alone; my heart is too much softened at this moment.  He must not know to what excess he is beloved.

LETTER 109.

To Mrs. Temple, Pall Mall.

Quebec, March 28.

I am at present, my dear Lucy, extremely embarrassed; Madame Des Roches is at Quebec:  it is impossible for me not to be more than polite to her; yet my Emily has all my heart, and demands all my attention; there is but one way of seeing them both as often as I wish; ’tis to bring them as often as possible together:  I wish extremely that Emily would visit her, but ’tis a point of the utmost delicacy to manage.

Will it not on reflection be cruel to Madame Des Roches?  I know her generosity of mind, but I also know the weakness of the human heart:  can she see with pleasure a beloved rival?

My Lucy, I never so much wanted your advice:  I will consult Bell Fermor, who knows every thought of my Emily’s heart.

Eleven o’clock.

I have visited Madame Des Roches at her relation’s; she received me with a pleasure which was too visible not to be observed by all present:  she blushed, her voice faltered when she addressed me; her eyes had a softness which seemed to reproach my insensibility:  I was shocked at the idea of having inspired her with a tenderness not in my power to return; I was afraid of increasing that tenderness; I scarce dared to meet her looks.

I felt a criminal in the presence of this amiable woman; for both our sakes, I must see her seldom:  yet what an appearance will my neglect have, after the attention she has shewed me, and the friendship she has expressed for me to all the world?

I know not what to determine.  I am going to Silleri.  Adieu till my return.

Eight o’clock.

I have entreated Emily to admit Madame Des Roches among the number of her friends, and have asked her to visit her to-morrow morning:  she changed color at my request, but promised to go.

I almost repent of what I have done:  I am to attend Emily and Bell Fermor to Madame Des Roches in the morning:  I am afraid I shall introduce them with a very bad grace.  Adieu!

      Your affectionate
          Ed. Rivers.

LETTER 110.