air,
  Crying, “Two tins, please,” or “I’ll take the pair,”
  But reverently and with concentred gaze
  Lest Griggs’s varlet (drat his casual ways!),
  Intrigued with passing friend or canine strife,
  Leave half of thee adhering to the knife—­
  My butter ration!  If symbolic breath
  Can be presumed in one so close to death,
  It is decreed that thou, my heart’s desire,
  Who scarcely art, must finally expire;
  Yea, they who hold thy fortunes in their hands,
  Base-truckling to the profiteer’s commands,
  No more to my slim revenues will temper
  The cost of thee, but with a harsh “Sic semper
  Pauperibus” fling thee, heedless of my prayers,
  Into the fatted laps of war-time millionaires.

  No more when Phoebus bids the day be born
  And savoury odours greet the Sabbath morn,
  Calling to Jane to bring the bacon in,
  Shall I bespread thee, marvellously thin,
  But ah! how toothsome! while my offspring barge
  Into the cheap but uninspiring marge,
  While James, our youngest (spoilt), proceeds to cram
  His ample crop with plum and rhubarb jam. 
  No more when twilight fades from tower and tree
  Shall I conceal what still remains of thee
  Lest that the housemaid or, perchance, the cat
  Should mischief thee, imponderable pat. 
  Ah, mine no more! for lo! ’tis noised around
  How thou wilt soon cost seven bob a pound. 
  As well demand thy weight in radium
  As probe my ’poverished poke for such a sum. 
  Wherefore, farewell!  No more, alas! thou’lt oil
  These joints that creak with unrewarded toil;
  No more thy heartsick votary’s midmost riff
  Wilt lubricate, and, oh! (as WORDSWORTH says) the diff!

  ALGOL.

* * * * *

“PUNCH” ON THE SCREEN.

Mr. Punch begs to inform the Public that he has prepared for their entertainment twelve sets of Lantern Slides reproducing his most famous Cartoons and Pictures (five of the sets deal with the Great War), and that they may be hired, along with explanatory Lectures, and, if desired, a Lantern and Operator, on application to Messrs. E.G.  WOOD, 2, Queen Street, Cheapside, E.C., to whom all inquiries as to terms should be addressed.

* * * * *

“When he endeavoured to put the man out the Alderman was chucked under the paw.  He drove straight to the barracks, informed the police of what had occurred, and having met his assailant on the road near by, he was placed under arrest.”—­Irish Paper.

The Alderman seems to have had a rough time all through.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  ROUGE GAGNE—­

MAIS LA SEANCE N’EST PAS ENCORE TERMINEE.]

* * * * *

[Illustration:  Newly-crowned Cotton King (with the plovers’ eggs).  “’ERE, MY LAD, TAKE THESE DARN THINGS AWAY.  THEY’RE ’ARD-BOILED AND ABSOLUTELY STONE-COLD.”]