“But it’s mine!” I protested.

“On the contrary, it’s mine; Angela gave it to me.  If you care to buy all the tickets—?”

“How much?” I growled.

“Four pounds.”

“But—­but that’s twice as much as I paid for it originally!”

“I know,” said Etta sweetly, “but prices have risen terribly owing to the War.”

* * * * *

I found Edward outside leaning on his jaded velocipede.  He was wearing the “Limit.”

“Hello,” said he, “got what you wanted?”

“Yes,” said I, “and so, I observe, did you.  How much did you have to pay?”

“Nothing,” said he triumphantly; “Etta took my new mackintosh in exchange,” he chuckled.  “I think we rather scored off Angela this time, don’t you?”

“Yes,” said I—­“ye-es.”

PATLANDER.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  PORTRAIT OF A GENTLEMAN IN PROCESS OF DECIDING THAT THE HIRE OF A CAR TO TAKE HIM TO HIS FANCY-DRESS REVEL WOULD HAVE BEEN WELL WORTH THE EXPENSE.]

* * * * *

From an invitation to a subscription-ball:—­

    “Hoping that you will endeavour to make this, our first dance, a
    bumping success....”

As the Latin gentleman might have said, Nemo repente fuit Terpsichore.

* * * * *

    “Two pigs off their feet had hard work to get to food trough, but
    K——­ Pig Powders soon put them right.”—­Local Paper.

Set them on their feet again, we conclude.

* * * * *

    “Respectable reserved lady (25), of ability, wishes to meet respectable
    keen Business Gentleman, honourable and reserved.”—­Advt. in Irish
    Paper.

Obviously reserved for one another.

* * * * *

“A big re-union of all returned men and their dependents is to be held at the Board of Trade building on New Year’s day....  A year ago the affair was a hug success and the ladies hope for an even better record this year.”—­Manitoba Free Press.

Manitoba is so embracing.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  Small Boy (indicating highly-powdered lady).  “MUMMY, MAY I WRITE ‘DUST’ ON THAT LADY’S BACK?”]

* * * * *

TO MY BUTTER RATION

(On hearing that the stuff is shortly to be decontrolled).

  Thou whom, when Saturday’s expiring sun
  Informs me that another day is done
  And summons fire from the reflecting pane
  Of Griggs and Sons, where groceries obtain,
  I seek, not lightly nor in careless haste
  As men buy bloaters or anchovy paste,
  Who fling the cash down with abstracted