“You fear that it is not the hand of the Lord that is upon you.  I do think that it is, my J——.  It is the peculiar office of the Spirit to convince of sin, and I do think that he is at this time dealing with your soul.  But why look so much at your vow? you have sinned, my J——­, in heart, lip, and life.  ’Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart.’  O my J——­, what prostituted affections, what misspent time.  While God says, ’Whether you eat or drink, or whatsoever you do, do all to the glory of God,’ what self-indulgence and self-will, instead of self-denial.  Listen to the voice of convictions, listen to it as the voice of mercy, leading you to Christ the great propitiatory sacrifice, ‘the Lamb of God, which taketh away the sin of the world.’

“Go to Christ, my dear, as a sinner; tell him you commit your sinful soul into his hands; say, Thou hast bid me look unto thee and be saved.  Saviour, I do look unto thee for salvation.  Wash me in thy blood, clothe me in thy righteousness, sanctify me by thy grace, accept of me as thy pardoned, saved child; and be a surety for me for good, that having vowed to thee that I would be thy servant, I may perform my vow; furnish me with both will and power to devote myself to thee every day of my life.

“Try, my dear, to rest on Christ; put your trust in him; if you do he will not disappoint you; as your faith, so shall it be unto you.  Now faith is a saving grace; thereby we receive and rest upon Christ for salvation, as he is offered to us in the gospel.  Do as you have said:  wait his appointed time, in the use of means, till he manifest himself to you.  I am hurried for time to get this to town.  Farewell.  I will pray for you.

“I.  GRAHAM.”

“1814.

“’A day of darkness and gloominess, a day of clouds and thick darkness, as the morning spread upon the mountains.’  Joel 2:2.

“Not in temporals, nor in the means of grace; every thing that earth can afford is gathered into my present cup; it is full and runs over with earthly good, and a large measure of health to enjoy it.  Moral temporals are also mine in no common degree, friendship, society at my choice, and respectability in it.  Rich means of grace within my reach, my Bible, and books of every kind and great variety at my hand, of instruction and of devotion.  Mine eyes see my teachers, and my judgment approves their doctrine as corresponding with that sure word of testimony given me as the test of all human writings.  Yet it is a day of darkness and of gloom.

“’Who is among you that feareth the Lord, that obeyeth the voice of his servant, that walketh in darkness and hath no light?  Let him trust in the name of the Lord and stay upon his God.’  Isa. 50:10.

“To trust in the name of the Lord and to stay myself upon my God is still my privilege, and though with little life and little comfort, my experience.  My mind is so desultory!  My Bible, and helps derived from men’s deductions and experiences, seem useless; they are not blessed as means to fix my heart; trifles of every sort pass and repass often; while my eyes read the words, my mind is gone in a dream on some other subject; my heart remains unimpressed, my mind uninformed; the same in prayer, especially in secret and in the family; less so in the sanctuary.