“SABBATH, April, 1812.

“Dr. Romeyn.  ’Yea, and all that will live godly in Christ Jesus shall suffer persecution.’ 2 Timothy 3:12.  Gone as usual; but it came home to my heart.  I have not suffered persecution; and why? because my life has not testified sufficiently against a sinful world.  Alas, alas! the world loves its own, and I have been so accommodating, to say the least, as not to disturb it.  ’The carnal mind is enmity against God; is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be;’ but the world saw little in me of that image which they hate, and enough of assimilation to balance that little.  O my God, my long-suffering, sin-pardoning God, thou knowest my vile cowardice; with professors a professor of thy name, with worldlings a seeming worldling.  And now the season is past, the opportunity lost; the time of life is arrived when the world itself expects to be abandoned.  No line of conduct in me will now reprove them; they account it wise to look out for a better portion, when the world can no longer be enjoyed; and through the deceitfulness of their own hearts, and the suggestions of the ever-vigilant enemy of souls, may be hardened in sin, by hoping to become religious in old age.  O, let thy grace prevent it.

“The sinfulness, and O, the ingratitude of my past life rise in magnitude every review I take of it.  And what can I say?  Father, forgive.  Yes, I dare say, Father, forgive.  I dare say more, Thou hast forgiven.  This grief of heart proves that thou hast not sealed me up in impenitence.  Thou rememberest thy covenant with me in the days of my youth, when thou didst draw me with the cords of love and the bands of a man; and though no language can express my baseness and my ingratitude, through all my backsliding life, thy covenant stands fast.

“’I remember, and am confounded, and will never open my mouth any more because of my shame, now that thou art pacified towards me for all that I have done.  And I know that thou art the Lord.

                Contrition dwell within this breast,
                That God within this heart may rest: 
                Shame and confusion flush this face,
                And magnify this glorious grace. 
                Grace be my theme while I have breath,
                And on my quivering lips in death. 
                Angels and fellow-sinners, say,
                Will you not join me in this lay,
                Now, and through heaven’s eternal day?

“Blessed Comforter, thou seest old age upon me, loss of memory, and a desultory mind; I cannot retain even the substance of my dear pastor’s sermons.  I thank thee for the food and refreshment at the time, and often after for refreshing meditations on the same subjects.  I commit all to thee; keep them for me, and feed me with these truths as thou seest I need.  O be to me memory, judgment, presence of mind, for order, regularity, and natural powers are gone.  I rejoice in my dear Saviour, who of God is made unto me wisdom, righteousness, sanctification, and redemption.  He shall perfect that which concerneth me, and finish the work he has begun.  Therefore I say, All is well.”