“MARCH 25, 1803.

“Communion Sabbath, Dr. M——­ preached from Romans 6:17:  ’But God be thanked that ye were’—­were in the past time, not now—­’the servants of sin; but ye have obeyed from the heart that form of doctrine which was delivered you.’

“O Lord, I believe the doctrines of thy gospel; I know that I am delivered from sin as a master; it hath not dominion over my will, nor entire dominion over my affections; I would be thine, thy servant, thy child, thine in all obedience.  I feel this new principle in the desires of my soul.  I would do all things to thee, in act and in principle.  But O, Lord, the old man is still here, harassing and hindering my new will, which I have received from thee, from acting with freedom and energy.  Unhallowed motives steal in, by-ends present themselves; and when outward duty is attained to, there is more of sin than of righteousness.  Though entered upon with some measure of purity, yet before it is finished I am at a loss to discern the true principle by which I am actuated.  Lord, help me; hast thou not promised to work in me both ‘to will and to do of thy good pleasure?’ Is it not the grand end of thy death, that thou mightest purify to thyself a glorious church, ’not having spot nor wrinkle, nor any such thing;’ and shall not I be a partaker?  Art thou not made of God unto thy people, wisdom, righteousness, sanctification, and redemption?

“O Lord, my heart pants for redemption from indwelling sin.  This depravity of my nature, this opposition, this evil that is ever present with me when I would do good, this indolence, this listlessness, this want of zeal, or else self-will, keenness of temper, impatience, haste:  O Lord, there is a host of enemies; gird me, arm me, shield me, lead me forth under thy banner; be my victorious King.  ’I will go in thy name, trusting in thy promised strength and grace to help in every time of need.’  Glory be to God, Father, Son, and blessed Spirit, for the grace in which I stand.  But for grace I had been a willing slave to sin to this hour.  By that same grace I shall one day attain to victory.  I cast my burden on the Lord, he will sustain until he deliver; I will go up through the wilderness, trusting in the promises, and continue fighting in his strength.  ’My soul waits for thy salvation.’  Lord, enable me to keep ’looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of faith.’  O give faith in every part of his mediatorial character.  May I feed upon him and be strong for this sore fight.  Give courage, O Lord; press me forward:  may I resolve, and keep the resolution, to resist unto blood, striving against sin.

“I have been a slothful servant in thy family, an idle laborer in thy vineyard, ‘an unfruitful branch,’ a poor dwarfish member in thy body.  Grant, O grant a little fruit on the topmost bough.  O, at the ‘eleventh hour’ may I begin to work, to bear some fruit, to the glory of that grace by which my soul is saved from the wages of sin, death, and hell, and made heir, by free gift, of the wages of righteousness, eternal life, and glory.  I wait for thy salvation.”