* * * * *

    “For Sale Black Ebony Gentleman’s Shaving Outfit.”—­Local Paper.

We gather that our coloured brother is about to grow a beard.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  Lady (buying music).  “OH, AND HAVE YOU GOT ’A LOVER IN DAMASCUS’?”

New Girl. “WELL, MA’AM, MY FIANCE WAS IN MESPOT, BUT HE’S BACK IN BRIXTON NOW.”]

* * * * *

MODERN MOON-RAKERS.

  PORTA, the once notorious Michigander,
  Who launched the now exploded solar slander,
  Whereat ten thousand negroes stood aghast,
  In one short month into oblivion passed,
  But PICKERING’S momentous lunar screed
  Proves the persistence of this wondrous breed. 
  Yet this in PICKERING’S favour let us state: 
  He has no scare or scandal to relate—­
  Nothing in any way that may impugn
  The credit or the morals of the moon;
  And on the other hand it does attract us
  To learn that she is growing sage and cactus. 
  Hardly romantic vegetables, these,
  And not so edible as good green cheese
  Which nursery rhymers (banned by MONTESSORI)
  Associated with the lunar story. 
  Still PICKERING’S vegetable views are tame
  Contrasted with Professor GODDARD’S aim;
  For he, as from the daily Press we learn,
  An obvious plagiarist of good JULES VERNE,
  Would have us build a Bertha fat enough
  To send a charge of high explosive stuff
  Across the intervening seas of space
  Bang into Luna’s unoffending face. 
  Meanwhile our own alert star-gazing chief,
  DYSON (Sir FRANK), is rather moved to grief
  Than anger by the astronomic pranks
  Played by unbalanced professorial cranks,
  Who study science in the wild-cat vein
  And “ruin along the illimitable inane.”

* * * * *

THE NEW NAVAL UNIFORM.

    “FOR SALE, NAVAL CADET’S (R.N.) MESS-DRESS; 39 inches side seam; pair
    cricket boots, purple velour hat, grey chiffon velvet dress.”—­Daily
    Paper.

* * * * *

    “SUEDE TURNIP, best varieties.”—­Advt. in Tasmanian Paper.

No kid about this offer.

* * * * *

    “Wanted, at once, respectable Man for Polishing Porter.”—­Daily
    Paper.

The manners of some of our porters notoriously leave much to be desired.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  MORE ADVENTURES OF A POST-WAR SPORTSMAN.

A SLIGHT ACCIDENT SECURES HIM A PERSONAL INTRODUCTION TO THE MASTER.]

* * * * *

OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.

(By Mr. Punch’s Staff of Learned Clerks.)