with a leathern strap, in addition to the task of writing out the verb [Greek:  tupto].  This punishment was inflicted because, in accordance with SAUNDERS’S instructions, he had represented the Cyclops of Euripides as “sweeping the stars with a rake.”  The original words of the Athenian poet do not bear this remarkable construction, so Saunders was dismissed from the only work which he had ever made even a pretence of doing.  He has not the energy, nor the lungs necessary for the profession of an agitator; he has not the grammar required in a penny-a-liner, he cannot cut hair, and his manners unfit him for the occupation of a shop-assistant, so that little is left open to Saunders but the industry of the Blackmailer.  The office of Secretary to a Missionary in a Leper settlement, on an island of Tierra Del Fuego, is, however, vacant; and, if the many important personages with whom Saunders has corresponded will only make a united effort, it is possible that the Man who would Get on may at last be got off, and relieve society from the burden of his solicitations.  May the comparative failure in life of Saunders MCGREGOR act as a warning to those who think that they shall be heard, by men, for their much asking!

P.S.—­This does not apply to women.  We have just been informed that Mr. Saunders MCGREGOR, M.A., is about to lead to the altar the only and orphan daughter of the late ALISTER MCFUNGUS, Esq., of Castle Fungus, Dreepdaily, N.B., the eminent introducer of remarkably improved processes in the manufacture of Heel-ball.

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“One down, T’OTHER come on!”—­Mr. Horace SEDGER has a Prima Donna supply always on tap.  After two of them have retired from the principal part in Incognita, the lively Miss Aida JENOURE—­("’Aid ‘em JENOURE,’ she ought to be called,” quoth Mr. WAGGSTAFF)—­comes to the rescue, and “on we goes again” with an excellent danseuse, too, thoroughly in earnest, as her name implies, which sounds like Miss Sin-cere and is written Miss st. Cyr.

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[Illustration:  The fight for the Standard.]

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[Illustration:  A mere detail.

Friend of the Family. “WEEL, Mrs. M’GLASGIE, and how’s your daughter DOIN’, the one that was married A while ago?”

Mrs. M’Glasgie. “Oh, VARRA WEEL, thank ye, Mr. Brown, VARRA WEEL, indeed!  She canna abide her man.  But then, ye Ken, there’s Aye A something!!”]

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The fight for the Standard.