Nobody’s crazy in this institution.  They’re just feeble in their minds.  Let me tell you something funny.  There’s about a dozen high-grade girls that set the tables in the big dining room.  Sometimes when they’re done ahead of time, they all sit down in chairs in a circle and talk.  I sneak up to the door and listen, and I nearly die to keep from laughing.  Do you want to know what they talk?  It’s like this.  They don’t say a word for a long time.  And then one says, “Thank God I’m not feeble-minded.”  And all the rest nod their heads and look pleased.  And then nobody says anything for a time.  After which the next girl in the circle says, “Thank God I’m not feeble-minded,” and they nod their heads all over again.  And it goes on around the circle, and they never say anything else.  Now they’re real feebs, ain’t they?  I leave it to you.  I’m not that kind of a feeb, thank God.

Sometimes I don’t think I’m a feeb at all.  I play in the band and read music.  We’re all supposed to be feebs in the band except the leader.  He’s crazy.  We know it, but we never talk about it except amongst ourselves.  His job is politics, too, and we don’t want him to lose it.  I play the drum.  They can’t get along without me in this institution.  I was sick once, so I know.  It’s a wonder the drooling ward didn’t break down while I was in hospital.

I could get out of here if I wanted to.  I’m not so feeble as some might think.  But I don’t let on.  I have too good a time.  Besides, everything would run down if I went away.  I’m afraid some time they’ll find out I’m not a feeb and send me out into the world to earn my own living.  I know the world, and I don’t like it.  The Home is fine enough for me.

You see how I grin sometimes.  I can’t help that.  But I can put it on a lot.  I’m not bad, though.  I look at myself in the glass.  My mouth is funny, I know that, and it lops down, and my teeth are bad.  You can tell a feeb anywhere by looking at his mouth and teeth.  But that doesn’t prove I’m a feeb.  It’s just because I’m lucky that I look like one.

I know a lot.  If I told you all I know, you’d be surprised.  But when I don’t want to know, or when they want me to do something I don’t want to do, I just let my mouth lop down and laugh and make foolish noises.  I watch the foolish noises made by the low-grades, and I can fool anybody.  And I know a lot of foolish noises.  Miss Kelsey called me a fool the other day.  She was very angry, and that was where I fooled her.

Miss Kelsey asked me once why I don’t write a book about feebs.  I was telling her what was the matter with little Albert.  He’s a drooler, you know, and I can always tell the way he twists his left eye what’s the matter with him.  So I was explaining it to Miss Kelsey, and, because she didn’t know, it made her mad.  But some day, mebbe, I’ll write that book.  Only it’s so much trouble.  Besides, I’d sooner talk.