make Place for a Sycophant, Court paid to Pandars and lewd Hens, and no Posts disposed of, but thro’ the Interest of Lust; how often, Britain, have I congratulated thy Happiness, where Virtue is rewarded, Vice discountenanc’d and punish’d; where the Man of Merit is provided for, and not oblig’d to pay a Levee to the kept Mistress of a Statesman; and where the Ignorant, Pusillanimous, and Vicious, however distinguish’d by Birth and Fortune, are held in Contempt, and never admitted to publick Employment!

When among the Cacklogallinians Taxes are laid, the Money is brought into the publick Treasury, of which the Minister keeps the Keys:  He lets this Money out upon Pawns, at an exorbitant Interest.  If an inferior Agent is to pass his Accounts, he must share the Pillage with the Minister, and some few Heads of the Grand Council.  I knew one paid him Three Hundred Thousand Rackfantassines, equal to a Hundred Thousand Pounds Sterling, which he computed was about one Third of his Acquisition; and Birds of most abandon’d Reputations are sometimes put into Places of Profit, which, like Spunges, suck all they can, and are easily squeezed again.

As to their Trade, they have, of late Years, lost some of the most advantageous Parts of it to the Cormorants, which perhaps might be brought about by several that were Cormorants by Birth, who found Means of working themselves into the Management of their publick Affairs.  They seem to endeavour all they can, (for what Policy I know not) to encourage the young Cacklogallinian Nobility and Gentry, in a Contempt of Religion, and in all Debauchery, perhaps to render them supine and thoughtless; and bringing them up without Principle, they may be fit Tools to work the enslaving their Country.

They are extremely severe in their military Discipline:  A Soldier, for a trifling Fault, shall have all the Feathers stripp’d off his Back, and a corroding Plaister clapp’d on, which will eat to the Bones in a small Space of Time.  For a capital Crime, every one in the Regiment is ordered to peck him as he’s ty’d to a Post, till he dies.  I have seen one who was condemn’d to this Death have Part of his Entrails torn out of his Side in a few Pecks.

Whoever speaks against the Ministry, is purged or vomited so severely, that he sometimes dies.  Even Want of Complaisance to any menial Servant of a Minister, is esteem’d an Affront to his Master, and punish’d by a Year’s Imprisonment; but a Slight put on any of the Squabbaws, is so heinous, that the Offender is punish’d, as for the highest Scandal.  Sometimes it has happened, that Persons Question’d and Convicted for Fraud, Bribery, or other Crimes, by some Turn of Fortune having better’d their Circumstances, have afterwards been raised to Posts of Honour and Trust, and afterwards growing more wealthy, have been look’d upon with the same Esteem as the most worthy.  I’ve known a Sharper, who could neither write nor read, made a Battano, in English, a Judge Advocate; and what rais’d him was his Dexterity at Gestaro, which is like the Play our School-boys divert themselves with, call’d Hussle-cap.