Petty Troubles of Married Life, Complete eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 204 pages of information about Petty Troubles of Married Life, Complete.

Petty Troubles of Married Life, Complete eBook

This eBook from the Gutenberg Project consists of approximately 204 pages of information about Petty Troubles of Married Life, Complete.

For you, a man of some sharpness, the Sphinx displays his wiles; he spreads his wings and folds them up again; he shows you his lion’s paws, his woman’s neck, his horse’s loins, and his intellectual head; he shakes his sacred fillets, he strikes an attitude and runs away, he comes and goes, and sweeps the place with his terrible equine tail; he shows his shining claws, and draws them in; he smiles, frisks, and murmurs.  He puts on the looks of a joyous child and those of a matron; he is, above all, there to make fun of you.

You ask the group collectively, “How do you like it?”

“I like it for love’s sake,” says one.

“I like it regular,” says another.

“I like it with a long mane.”

“I like it with a spring lock.”

“I like it unmasked.”

“I like it on horseback.”

“I like it as coming from God,” says Madame Deschars.

“How do you like it?” you say to your wife.

“I like it legitimate.”

This response of your wife is not understood, and sends you a journey into the constellated fields of the infinite, where the mind, dazzled by the multitude of creations, finds it impossible to make a choice.

“Where do you put it?”

“In a carriage.”

“In a garret.”

“In a steamboat.”

“In the closet.”

“On a cart.”

“In prison.”

“In the ears.”

“In a shop.”

Your wife says to you last of all:  “In bed.”

You were on the point of guessing it, but you know no word that fits this answer, Madame Deschars not being likely to have allowed anything improper.

“What do you do with it?”

“I make it my sole happiness,” says your wife, after the answers of all the rest, who have sent you spinning through a whole world of linguistic suppositions.

This response strikes everybody, and you especially; so you persist in seeking the meaning of it.  You think of the bottle of hot water that your wife has put to her feet when it is cold,—­of the warming pan, above all!  Now of her night-cap,—­of her handkerchief,—­of her curling paper,—­of the hem of her chemise,—­of her embroidery,—­of her flannel jacket,—­of your bandanna,—­of the pillow.

In short, as the greatest pleasure of the respondents is to see their Oedipus mystified, as each word guessed by you throws them into fits of laughter, superior men, perceiving no word that will fit all the explanations, will sooner give it up than make three unsuccessful attempts.  According to the law of this innocent game you are condemned to return to the parlor after leaving a forfeit; but you are so exceedingly puzzled by your wife’s answers, that you ask what the word was.

“Mal,” exclaims a young miss.

You comprehend everything but your wife’s replies:  she has not played the game.  Neither Madame Deschars, nor any one of the young women understand.  She has cheated.  You revolt, there is an insurrection among the girls and young women.  They seek and are puzzled.  You want an explanation, and every one participates in your desire.

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Project Gutenberg
Petty Troubles of Married Life, Complete from Project Gutenberg. Public domain.