* * *

Judging by the latest reports the Stockholm Conference is like the gun that they didn’t know was loaded.

* * *

Because his wife accused him of not loving her, a farmer of Husavik, Manitoba, assaulted her with a pen-knife just to show that he did.

* * *

Special “storm troops”—­men picked for their youth, vigour and daring, to carry out counter-attacks—­are now a feature of the German Armies.  Even our ordinary British soldiers, who are constantly compelled to take these brave fellows prisoners, bear witness to the ferocity of their appearance.

* * *

Taxes on watering-places, it is announced, will be a feature of the new French Budget.  It is feared that this will bear hardly on breweries and dairies.

* * *

We are not permitted to publish the name of the Foreign Office official who strolled into a Piccadilly Bar last week and ordered a Clam-Martinic cocktail.

* * *

According to a report of the National Physical Laboratory the Tower of London is moving towards the Thames.  The hot weather is thought to have something to do with it.

* * *

The Board of Agriculture advises the killing of all old cocks and hens.  Lively competition between the railway refreshment rooms and the tyre factories should ensure a satisfactory price.

* * *

The High Court at the Hague has ordered a new trial in the case of the Editor of the Telegraaf, who was sentenced for referring to “a group of rascals in the centre of Europe.”  The rascality of the persons in question is now deemed to be proved beyond the shadow of a doubt.

* * *

The announcement that there will be no more Sunday music at the Zoo has been received with satisfaction by the more conservative residents, who have always complained that the presence of a band tended to reduce the place to the level of a mere circus.

* * *

A well-known inn at Effingham having changed its name from the Bluecher to the Sir Douglas Haig, it is further suggested that the name of the village should be changed to Biffingham.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  “Ay, poor old Ben’s ROOINED by the war.  All ’is yarns WOS about ABOVE-SEA pirates!”]

* * * * *

How to cure A wound.

“A wounded soldier jumped or fell from a passing S.E.R.  Red Cross train between Swanley Junction and Bromley to-day.  The train was running at about twenty miles an hour.  When picked up the man was found to be uninjured.”—­ Evening Paper.

* * * * *

Title and half-title pages.

With a view to economy of paper, the title and half-title pages of the Volume which is completed with the present issue are not being delivered with copies of Punch as hitherto; they will however be sent free, by post, upon receipt of a request.