* * * * *

[Illustration:  ANOTHER COMBINE.

Bystander. “‘OW YER GOIN’, MATE?”

Gutter Merchant. “FINE!  I’VE JUST AMALGAMATED WITH THE BUSINESS NEXT DOOR.”]

* * * * *

“FRENZIED FINANCE.”

    “The guardians want more money also.  What the Treasury finan-local
    taxations are only the be-lical taxations are only the beginning of
    the demand upon the citizen’s pocket.”—­Evening Paper.

* * * * *

“JUMPER CHAMPION.

    “The reference to a young woman living at Esher, Surrey, who has
    knitted 50 jumpers since August 20, which her friends claim to be a
    world’s record for an amateur, has resulted in a challenge.

    “‘Jumper,’ who lives at Margate, writes:  ’I find it quite easy to knit
    in the dark and to read while knitting.’”—­Daily Paper.

The Margate candidate will get our vote.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  THE SERVANTS’ BALL.

Groom (somewhat heated).  “CARE FOR A BREATHER, MY LADY?”]

* * * * *

MY SALES DAY.

7.0 to 8.30.  Rise, breakfast, and make out shopping-list.  I put down:—­

  Waterproof for Henry. 
  School-frock and boots for the Kid. 
  Replenish household linen.

9.0.  Arrive at large emporium just as the doors open.  Ask to be directed to gentleman’s mackintoshes.  Pause on the way to look at evening wraps marked down from five guineas to 98/11.  It seems a sweeping reduction, but I do not require an evening wrap.

9.10 to 10.15.  Try on evening wraps.  Select a perfectly sweet Rose du Barri duvetyn lined gris fonce.

10.15.  Continuing to head for mackintoshes.  The course runs past a job-line in silk hosiery.  Remember I ought to get stockings to go with the evening wrap.

10.15 to 11.5.  Match stockings.

11.15.  Arrive at gentlemen’s mackintoshes.  Find they are not being reduced in the sale.  Observe however that some handsome silk shirts with broad stripes are marked half-price; get three for Henry, also a fancy waistcoat at 6/11-3/4 (was 25/-), only slightly soiled down front.

11.40.  Ask for Children’s Department.  Take wrong turning and arrive at millinery.

11.40 to 1.10.  Try on hats.  Decide on a ducky little toque and a fascinating river hat (for next summer).

1.10 to 1.30.  Still asking for Children’s Department.  When it is finally given to me I am told that useful school-frocks have all been sold.

1.30 to 6.30.  Drift to Shoe Department; secure a pair of pink satin slippers—­rather tight, but amazingly cheap.  Swept by crowd into “Fancy Goods”; make several purchases.  Get taken in a crush to “Evening Accessories”; am persuaded to buy.