PATLANDER.

* * * * *

From the dramatis personae in a Malta opera-programme:—­

    “Singers, Old Beans, and Abbes.”

The “old beans” no doubt were drawn from the local garrison.

* * * * *

“The old wooden streets which survived in the more ancient parts of the capital [Petrograd] have, on account of the lack of fuel since the Bolshevists became all-powerful, been torn down and demobilished.”—­ Daily Paper.

The last word in destructiveness.

* * * * *

“The standing joint committee of the Industrial Women’s Organisations have passed a resolution unanimously endorsing the action of the Consumers’ Council in opposing the decontrol of meat.”—­Daily Graphic.

The “standing joint” committee would seem to be the very one for the job.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  MANNERS AND MODES.

HOW TO APPEAR BEAUTIFUL THOUGH PLAIN:—­SURROUND YOURSELF WITH SPECIMENS OF
THE LATEST ART.]

* * * * *

    DRESS OF THE DAY.

    “BATHROOM TOILETTES.

    “This season balls and dances, both private and public, are being given
    in greater numbers than ever.”—­Local Paper.

* * * * *

    “A couple of ciphers, followed by a string of noughts, represents
    Germany’s debt to France.  And it looks as if the noughts are all France
    will get in the present generation.”—­Evening Paper.

But it is possible that under pressure Germany might throw in the ciphers as well.

* * * * *

“LOST AND FOUND.

“ADDRESS BY THE LORD ADVOCATE.

    “Will the party who took the wrong Umbrella from the Ante-Room, Music
    Hall, kindly return same in exchange for his own to ——­, Music Hall?”
    —­Scotch Paper.

An odd address for the LORD ADVOCATE.

* * * * *

    “Wells’ ‘History of the Universe’ describes the slow disappearance of
    certain species, taking hundreds of thousands of years to do it.”—­
    Daily Paper.

In an age of hustle it is gratifying to find one eminent author approaching his work with due deliberation.

* * * * *

    THE PROFITEER’S ANTHEM.

    “The Hymns to be sung will be:  (1) ’All people that on earth do
    well.’...”—­Rangoon Times.

* * * * *

From Surplus, the official organ of the Disposal Board:—­

“PORK AND BEANS.

    “16 oz. tins (15 ozs.  Beans and Sauce, 1 oz.  Pork); 21 oz. tins (20 ozs. 
    Beans and Sauce, 1 oz.  Pork).”