‘I have never had hope since that day,’ she went on mournfully. ’He is very kind to me,—very; but it is only the kindness of a friend. He tries to hide from me how much he is disappointed in me, how I have failed to come up to his standard; but of course I see it. But for Etta I should have resumed my work. You were present when he nearly persuaded me to do so; I was longing then to please him; I think it would be a consolation to me if I could do something, however humble, to help him; but Etta always prevents me from doing so. She has taken all my work, and I do not think she wants to give it up, and she makes me ready to sink through the floor with the things she says. I dare not open my lips to Mr. Cunliffe in her presence; she always says afterwards how anxious I looked, or how he must have noticed my agitation: if I ever came down to see you, Ursula, she used to declare angrily that I only went in the hope of meeting him. She thinks nothing of telling me that I am so weak that she must protect me in spite of myself, and sometimes she implies that he sees it all and pities me, and that he has hinted as much to her. Oh, Ursula, what is the matter?’ for I had pushed away my chair and was walking up and down the room, unable to endure my irritated feelings. She had suffered all this ignominy and prolonged torture under which her nerves had given way, and now Max’s ridiculous scruples hindered me from giving her a word of comfort. Why could I not say to her, ’You are wrong: you have been deceived; Max has never swerved for one instant from his love to you?’ And yet I must not say it.
‘I cannot sit down! I cannot bear it!’ I exclaimed recklessly, quite forgetting how necessary it was to keep her quiet; but she put out her hand to me with such a beautiful sad smile.
’Yes, you must sit down and listen to what I have to say: I will not have you so disturbed about this miserable affair, dear. The pain is better now; one cannot suffer in that way forever. I do not regret that I have learned to love Max, even though that love is to bring me unhappiness in this world. He is worthy of all I can give him, and one day in the better life what is wrong will be put right; I always tell myself this when I hear people’s lives are disappointed: my illness has taught me this.’
I did not trust myself to reply, and then all at once a thought came to me: ’Gladys, when I mentioned Captain Hamilton’s name just now—I mean at the commencement of our conversation—why did you seem so troubled? He is nothing to you, and yet the very mention of his name excited you. This perplexes me.’
She hesitated for a moment, as though she feared to answer: ’I know I can trust you, Ursula; but will it be right to do so? I mean, for other people’s sake. But, still, if Etta be talking about him—’ She paused, and seemed absorbed in some puzzling problem.
‘You write to him very often,’ I hazarded at last, for she did not seem willing to speak.