For a few days Phelim attended the school, but learned not a letter.  The master usually sent him to be taught by the youngest lads, with a hope of being able to excite a proper spirit of pride and emulation in a mind that required some extraordinary impulse.  One day he called him up to ascertain what progress he had actually made; the unsuspecting teacher sat at the time upon the wall which separated the barn-floor from the kiln-pot, with his legs dangling at some distance from the ground.  It was summer, any rafters used in drying the grain had been removed.  On finding that Blessed Phelim, notwithstanding all the lessons he had received, was still in a state of the purest ignorance, he lost his temper, and brought him over between his knees, that he might give him an occasional cuff for his idleness.  The lesson went on, and the master’s thumps were thickening about Phelim’s ears, much to the worthy youth’s displeasure.

“Phelim,” said the master, “I’ll invert you a scarecrow for dunces.  I’ll lay you against the wall, with your head down and your heels up like a forked carrot.”

“But how will you manage that?” said Phelim.  “What ‘ud I be doin’ in the mane time?”

“I’ll find a way to manage it,” said the master.

“To put my head down an’ my heels up, is it?” inquired Phelim.

“You’ve said it, my worthy,” returned his teacher.

“If you don’t know the way,” replied the pupil, “I’ll show you;” getting his shoulder under the master’s leg, and pitching him heels over his head into the kiln-pot.  He instantly seized his cap, and ran out of the school, highly delighted at his feat; leaving the scholars to render the master whatever assistance was necessary.  The poor man was dangerously hurt, for in addition to a broken arm, he received half a dozen severe contusions on the head, and in different parts of the body.

This closed Phelim’s education; for no persuasion could ever induce him to enter a school afterwards; nor could any temptation prevail on the neighboring teachers to admit him as a pupil.

Phelim now shot up rapidly to the stature of a young man; and a graceful slip was he.  From the period of fifteen until nineteen, he was industriously employed in idleness.  About sixteen he began to look after the girls, and to carry a cudgel.  The father in vain attempted to inoculate him with a love of labor; but Phelim would not receive the infection.  His life was a pleasanter one.  Sometimes, indeed, when he wanted money to treat the girls at fairs and markets, he would prevail on himself to labor a week or fortnight with some neighboring farmer; but the moment he had earned as much as he deemed sufficient, the spade was thrown aside.  Phelim knew all the fiddlers and pipers in the barony; was master of the ceremonies at every wake and dance that occurred within several miles of him.  He was a crack dancer, and never attended a dance without performing a horn-pipe