“You only annoy me, man; besides I don’t want the pig; you lose time; I don’t want to buy it, I repeat to you.”

“Gad bliss you, sir—­Gad bliss you.  Maybe if I’d make up to the mishthress, yer haner!  Thrath she wouldn’t turn the crathur from the place, in regard that the tindherness ow the feelin’ would come ower her—­the rale gintlewoman, any way!  ’Tis dag chape you have her at what I said, sir; an’ Gad bliss you!”

“Do you want to compel me to purchase it whether I will or no?”

“Thrath, it’s whor next to nothin’ I’m giv-in’ her to you, sir; but sure you can make your own price at any thing beyant a pound. Huerish amuck—­sladh anish!—­be asy, you crathur, sure you’re gettin’ into good quarthers, any how—­go into the hanerable English gintleman’s kitchen, an’ God knows it’s a pleasure to dale wit ’em.  Och, the world’s differ there is betuxt them, an’ our own dirty Irish buckeens, that ’ud shkin a bad skilleen, an’ pay their debts wit the remaindher.  The gateman ’ud let me in, yer haner, an’ I’ll meet you at the big house, abow.”

“Upon my honor this is a good jest,” said the gentleman, absolutely teased into a compliance; “you are forcing me to buy that which I don’t want.”

“Sure you will, sir; you’ll want more nor that yit, please Gad, if you be spared.  Come, amuck—­come, you crathur; faix you’re in luck so you are—­gettin’ so good a place wit his haner, here, that you won’t know yourself shortly, plase God.”

He immediately commenced driving his pig towards the gentleman’s residence with such an air of utter simplicity, as would have imposed upon any man not guided by direct inspiration.  Whilst he approached the house, its proprietor arrived there by another path a few minutes before him, and, addressing his lady, said: 

“My dear, will you come and look at a purchase which an Irishman has absolutely compelled me to make?  You had better come and see himself, too, for he is the greatest simpleton of an Irishman I have ever met with.”

The lady’s curiosity was more easily excited than that of her husband.  She not only came out, but brought with her some ladies who had been on a visit, in order to hear the Irishman’s brogue, and to amuse themselves at his expense.  Of the pig, too, it appeared she was determined to know something.

“George, my love, is the pig also from Ireland?”

“I don’t know, my dear; but I should think so from its fleshless appearance.  I have never seen so spare an animal of that class in this country.”

“Juliana,” said one of the ladies to her companion, “don’t go too near him.  Gracious! look at the bludgeon, or beam, or something he carries in his hand, to fight’ and beat the people, I suppose:  yet,” she added, putting up her glass, “the man is actually not ill-looking; and, though not so tall as the Irishman in Sheridan’s Rivals, he is well made.”

“His eyes are good,” said her companion—­“a bright gray, and keen; and were it not that his nose is rather short and turned up, he would be handsome.”