“‘A RECEIPT TO MAKE A FORTY SHILLING FREEHOLDER.’

“’Take the poorest Irishman you can get, he must be destitute and ignorant, for then he will be slavish, give him a mud cabin, but no education; let the former be a bad model of an indifferent pig-stye, and held at thrice its value.  Put him to repose on a comfortable bed of damp straw, with his own coat and his wife’s petticoat, for bed-clothes.  Pamper him on two half meals of potatoes and point per day—­with water ad libitum.  For clothing—­let him have a new shirt once every three years—­to give him exercise and keep him clean—­a hat once in every seven, and brogues whenever he can get them.  His coat and breeches—­lest he might grow too independent—­must be worn upon the principle of the Highlander’s knife, which, although a century in the family, was never changed, except sometimes the handle and sometimes the blade.  Let his right to vote be founded upon a freehold property of six feet square, or as much as may be encompassed by his own shift, and take care that there be a gooseberry bush in the centre of it; he must have from four to ten children, as a proof of his standing in society, all fashionably dressed, and coming at the rate of one every twelve months.  Having thus, by a liberal system of feeding and clothing, rendered him strong for labor, you must work him from dark to dark—­pay him fourpence a day for three quarters of the year, with permission to beg or starve for the remainder.  When in health task him beyond his strength, and when sick neglect him—­for there is nothing so beautiful as kindness in a landlord, and gratitude in a tenant—­and thus will your virtues become reciprocal.  He must live under a gradation of six landlords, so that whoever defaults, he may suffer—­and he will have the advantage of six tyrants instead of one.  Your agent is to wheedle, and your bailiff to bully him; the one must promise, and the other threaten; but if both fail, you must try him yourself.  Should he become intractable under all this, you must take purer measures.—­Compliment him on his wife—­praise and admire his children—­play upon his affections, and corrupt him through his very virtues—­for that will show that you love your country and her people better than your own interests.  Place a promise of independence on one side of him, but a ruined cottage and extermination on the other.  When all his scruples are thus honorably overcome, and his conscience skilfully removed, take him for twenty minutes or so out of his rags, put him into a voting suit that he may avoid suspicion, bring him up to the poll—­steep him in the strongest perjury, then strip him of his voting suit, clap him into his rags, and having thus fitted him for the perpetration of any treachery or crime, set him at large once more, that he may disseminate your own principles upon your own property, until you may require him again.  Having thus honestly discharged your duty to God and your country, go calmly to your pillow, where you can rest in the consciousness of having done all that a virtuous man and true patriot can do, to promote the comfort and independence of his fellow creatures.’