“My dear Sir Tomas,—­In a letter, which a’ had the honer of receiving from you, in consequence of your very great kindness in condescending to kick me out of your house, on the occasion of my last visit to Red Hall, you were pleased to express a wish that a’ would send you up as arthentic a list as a’ could conveniently make up of my qualifications for the magistracey.  Deed, a’m sore yet, Sir Tomas, and wouldn’t it be a good joke, as my friend Dr. Twig says, if the soreness should remain until it is cured by the Komission, which he thinks would wipe out all recollection of the pain and the punishment.  And he says, too, that this application of it would be putting it to a most proper and legutimate use; the only use, he insists, to which it ought to be put.  But a’ don’t go that far, because a’ think it would be an honerable dockiment, not only to my posterity, meaning my legutimate progenitors, if a’ should happen to have any; but, also and moreover, to the good taste and judgment, and respect for the honer and integrity of the Bench, manifested by those who attributed to place me on it.

“A’ now come to Klaim No.  I, for the magistracey:  In the first place a’m not without expeyrience, having been in the habit of acting as a magistrate in a private way, and upon my own responsibility, for several years.  A’ established a kourt in a little vilage, which—­and this is a strong point in my feavor now-a-days—­which a’ meself have depopilated; and a’ trust that the depopilation won’t be ovelueked.  To this kourt a’ com-peled all me taunts to atend.  They were obliged to summon one another as often as they kould, and much oftener than they wished, and for the slightest kauses.  A’ presided in it purseondlly; and a’ll tell you why.  My system was a fine system, indeed.  That is to say, a’ fined them ether on the one side or the tother, but most generally on both, and then a’ put the fines into my own pocet.  My tenints a’ know didn’t like this kind of law very much—­but if they didn’t a’ did; and a’ made them feel that a’ was their landlord.  No man was a faverite with me that didn’t frequent my kourt, and for this resin, in order to stand well with me, they fought like kat and dog.  Now, you know, it was my bisness to enkorage this, for the more they fought and disputed, the more a’ fined them.

“In fact, a’ done everything in my power, to enlitin my tenints.  For instance, a’ taught them the doktrine of trespiss.  If a’ found that a stranger tuck the sheltry side of my hedge, to blow his nose, I fined him half-a-crown, as can be proved by proper and undeniable testomony.  A’ mention all these matters to satisfy you that a’ have practis as a magistrate, and won’t have my duties to lern when a’m called upon to discharge them.