“No, my lord, I have a different opinion of your principles.”

“Could you hire me a pas’n, to give lessons in it—­say two a week—­I shall require to know something of it; for, my dear Tom, you are not to be told that twelve thousand a year, and a beautiful girl, are worth making an effort for.  It is true she—­Miss Gourlay, I mean—­is not to be spoken of in comparison with the cigar-man’s daughter; but then, twelve thousand a year, Tom—­and the good old peer is threatening to curtail my allowance.  Or stay, Tom, would hypocrisy do as well as religion?”

“Every bit, my lord, so far as the world goes.  Indeed, in point of fact, it requires a very keen eye to discover the difference between them.  For one that practises religion, I there are five thousand who practise hypocrisy.”

“Could I get lessons in hypocrisy?  Are there men set apart to teach it?  Are there, for instance, professors of hypocrisy as there are of music and dancing?”

“Not exactly, my lord; but many of the professors of religion come very nearly to the same point.”

“How is that, Tom?  Explain it, like a good fellow.”

“Why a great number of them deal in both—­that is to say, they teach the one by their doctrine, and the other by their example.  In different words, they inculcate religion to others, and practise hypocrisy themselves.”

“I see—­that is clear.  Then, Tom, as they—­the pas’ns I mean—­are the best judges of the matter, of course hypocrisy must be more useful than religion, or they—­and such! an immense majority as you say—­would not practise it.”

“More useful it unquestionably is, my lord.”

“Well, in that case, Tom, try and find me out a good hypocrite, a sound fellow, who properly understands the subject, and I will take lessons from him.  My terms will be! liberal, say—­”

“Unfortunately for your lordship, there are no professors to be had; but, as I said, it comes to the same thing.  Engage a professor of religion, and whilst you pretend to study his doctrine, make a point also to study his life, and ten to one but you will close! your studies admirably qualified to take a degree in hypocrisy, if there were such an honor, and that you wish to imitate your teacher.  Either that, my lord, or it may tend to cure you of a leaning toward hypocrisy as long as you live.”

“Well, I wish I could make some progress in either one or the other, it matters not which, provided it be easier to learn, and more useful.  We must think about it, Tom.  You will remind me, of course.  Was Sir George here to-day?”

“No, my lord, but he sent to inquire.”

“Nor Lord Jockeyville?”

“He drove tandem to the door, but didn’t come in.  The other members of our set have been tolerably regular in their inquiries, especially since they were undeceived as to the danger of your wound.”