“The next disease it is good for, is the peripneumonia, or inflammation on the lungs—­the diagnostics or symptoms of which are, a small pulse, swelling of the eyes, and redness of the face.  Say, have any of you these symptoms—­if so, you have the disease.  No one.  I thank Heaven that you are none of you so afflicted.

“It is also a sovereign remedy for the diarrhoea, the diagnostics of which are, faintness, frequent gripings, rumbling in the bowels, cold sweats, and spasm.”

Here one man came forward and complained of frequent gripings—­another of rumbling in the bowels, and two or three more of cold sweats.

“It is well.  O I thank Heaven that I am here to administer to you myself! for what says Hippocrates? Relativum cum antecedente concordat, which means, that remedies quickly applied, kill the disease in its birth.  Here, my friends, take it—­take it—­pay me only one shilling and be thankful.  When you go to rest, fail not to offer up your prayers.  It is also a sovereign remedy for the dreadful chiragra or gout.  I cured the whole corporation of city aldermen last week, by their taking three bottles each, and they presented me with the freedom of the city of London, in a gold box, which I am sorry that I have forgotten to bring with me.  Now the chiragra may be divided into several varieties. Gonagra, when it attacks the knees—­chiragra, if in the hands—­onagra, if in the elbow—­omagra, if in the shoulder, and lumbago, if in the back.  All these are varieties of gout, and for all these the contents of this little bottle is a sovereign remedy; and, observe, it will keep for ever.  Twenty years hence, when afflicted in your old age—­and the time will come, my good people—­you may take down this little phial from the shelf, and bless the hour in which you spent your shilling; for as Eusebius declares, ’Verbum personale concordat cum nominativo, which is as much as to say, the active will grow old, and suffer from pains in their limbs.  Who, then, has pains in his limbs, or lumbago?  Who, indeed, can say that he will not have them?”

After this appeal, the number of those who had pains in their limbs, or who wished to provide against such a disease, proved so great, that all our phials were disposed of, and the doctor was obliged to promise that in a few days he would have some more of this invaluable medicine ready.

“Ladies and gentlemen, I shall now offer to your notice a valuable plaister, the effects of which are miraculous.  Dionysius, come hither, you have felt the benefit of this plaister; tell your case to those who are present, and mind you tell the truth.”