Title:  Punch, Or The London Charivari, Vol. 103, November 19, 1892

Author:  Various

Editor:  Francis Burnand

Release Date:  May 31, 2005 [EBook #15957]

Language:  English

Character set encoding:  ASCII

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PUNCH,

Or the London charivari.

Vol. 103.

November 19, 1892.

THE MAN WHO WOULD.

II.—­The man who would play Golf.

Bulger was no cricketer, no tennis-player, no sportsman, in fact.  But his Doctor recommended exercise and fresh air.  “And I’m thinking, Sir,” he added, “that you cannot do better than just take yourself down to St. Andrews, and put yourself under Tom Morris.”  “Is he a great Scotch physician?” asked Bulger; “I don’t seem to have heard of him.”  “The Head of the Faculty, Sir,” said the medical man—­“the Head of the Faculty in those parts.”

Bulger packed his effects, and, in process of time, he arrived at Leuchars.  Here he observed some venerable towers within a short walk, and fancied that he would presently arrive at St. Andrews.  In this he was reckoning without the railway system—­he was compelled to wait at Leuchars for no inconsiderable time, which he occupied in extracting statistics about the consumption of whiskey from the young lady who ministered to travellers.  The revelations now communicated, convinced Bulger that either Dr. Morris was not on the lines of Sir Andrew Clark, or, as an alternative, that his counsels were not listened to by travellers on that line.

[Illustration]

Arriving in the dusk, Bulger went to his inn, and next morning inquired as to the address of the Head of the Faculty.  “I dinna ken,” said an elderly person, to whom he appealed, “that the Professors had made Tom a Doctor, though it’s a sair and sad oversicht, and a disgrace to the country, that they hae’na done sae lang syne.  But I jalouse that your Doctor was jist making a gowk o’ ye.”  “What!” said Bulger.  “Jist playin’ a plisky on ye, and he meant that Tom wad pit ye in the way o’ becoming a player.  Mon, ye’re a bull-neckit, bow-leggit chiel’, and ye’d shape fine for a Gowfer!  Here’s Tom.”  And, with this brief introduction, the old man strolled away.