Perhaps that is her inconsistency: women are sure to be inconsistent somewhere: it is their birthright.
I began to study her at once, to find you: it did not take long. How I could love her, if she would let me!
You know her far far better than I, and want no advice: otherwise I would say—never praise me to her; quote my follies rather! To give ground for her distaste to revel in will not deepen me in her bad books so much as attempts to warp her judgment.
I need not go through it all: she will have told you all that is to the purpose about our meeting. She bristled in, a brave old fighting figure, announcing compulsion in every line, but with all her colors flying. She waited for the door to close, then said, “My son has bidden me come, I suppose it is my duty: he is his own master now.”
We only shook hands. Our talk was very little of you. I showed her all the horses, the dogs, and the poultry; she let the inspection appear to conclude with myself: asked me my habits, and said I looked healthy. I owned I felt it. “Looks and feelings are the most deceptive things in the world,” she told me; adding that “poor stock” got more than its share of these. And when she said it I saw quite plainly that she meant me.
I wonder where she gets the notion: for we are a long-lived race, both sides of the family. I guessed that she would like frankness, and was as frank as I could be, pretending no deference to her objections. “You think you suit each other?” she asked me. My answer, “He suits me!” pleased her maternal palate, I think. “Any girl might say that!” she admitted. (She might indeed!)
This is the part of our interview she will not have repeated to you.
I was due at Hillyn when she was preparing to go: Aunt N—— came in, and I left her to do the honors while I slipped on my habit. I rode by your mother’s carriage as far as the Greenway, where we branched. I suppose that is what her phrase means that you quote about my “making a trophy of her,” and marching her a prisoner across the borders before all the world!
I do like her: she is worth winning.—Can one say warmer of a future mother-in-law who stands hostile?
All the same it was an ordeal. I believe I have wept since: for Benjy scratched my door often yesterday evening, and looked most wistful when I came out. Merely paltry self-love, dearest:—I am so little accustomed to not being—liked.
I think she will be more gracious in her own house. I have her formal word that I am to come. Soon, not too soon, I will come over; and you shall meet me and take me to see her. There is something in her opposition that I can’t fathom: I wondered twice was lunacy her notion: she looked at me so hard.
My mother’s seclusion and living apart from us was not on that account. I often saw her: she was very dear and sweet to me, and had quiet eyes the very reverse of a person mentally deranged. My father, I know, went to visit her when she lay dying; and I remember we all wore mourning. My uncle has told me they had a deep regard for each other: but disagreed, and were independent enough to choose living apart.