The stranger lost control and crashed badly on the hearth-rug.

“Poor man,” said Betty to the late tenant.  “Be kind to him for our sakes.”  Then she led the way to our cab.

“Hotel Splendid!” I said magnificently to the driver.

“Wot,” he growled, “not in them slippers?”

“True,” I said, with what dignity I could muster, and gave him the address of our lodgings.

“None the less,” I said to Betty, “you shall lunch among the profiteers.  This is a great day, and it is yours.”

* * * * *

    The inter-University Sports.

    Great interest is being taken in the plucky attempt of Cambridge
    to beat America, Africa and Europe (with Oxford).

* * * * *

[Illustration:  What’s in A name?

Mate.  “While we ARE DOIN’ her up, what about Givin’ her A new name? 
How would ‘fusion’ do?”

Captain. “‘Fusion’ or ’confusion’—­it’s all one to me so long as I’m
Skipper.”]

* * * * *

[Illustration:  First Juvenile Spectator (as the Oxford crew go out to practice).  “THERE Y’ARE, ’ERR—­WOT DID I TELL YER?  THEY ’AVE GOT ONLY ONE OAR EACH!”

Second ditto.  “YOU WAIT TILL THE DAY OF THE RACE!”]

* * * * *

THE LAST OF THE WATCH DOGS.

MY DEAR CHARLES,—­In all the stirring history of the War I don’t know which has been the most moving sight:  the War Office trying to get me to be a soldier, or the War Oflice trying to get me to stop being a soldier.

Before the late Summer of 1914, England had evinced no burning interest in its Henry.  It had, in fact, left me to make my own way, contenting itself with cautioning me if I didn’t stick to the right side of the road, or to fining me if I exceeded the speed limit.  In August of that memorable year it got, you will remember, mixed up in rather a nasty bother.  Searching for friends to get it out, it bethought itself of Henry, along with 499,999 others whose names for the moment I do not recall.  Between us (with subsequent assistance) we set things to rights, and nothing remained for Old England save to rid itself gracefully of what remained of its few millions of new-found friends.  There was, however, no shaking off its bosom pal, Henry.  I am one of those loyal characters whose affection, once gained, nothing can undo.  No use saying to me:  “Well, old man, it’s getting late now; you must come and see us again some other day.”  I am one of the sort who answer:  “Don’t you worry yourself about that.  I’m going to stay and go on seeing you now.”