Lo, what a foolish hope was this! 
    I realised too soon
  The special form of Nemesis
    That waits on the buffoon: 
  The joke I found concerned the gloom
  Inside a dentist’s waiting-room.

* * * * *

[Illustration:  “HE HADN’T BEEN DEAD A WEEK WHEN THEY STARTED QUARRELLING OVER HIS ESTATE.”

“DID HE LEAVE MUCH?” “NO—­ONLY THREE GALLONS.”]

* * * * *

THE LATEST PARTY.

(Being the Diary of a well-intentioned Voter.)

Monday.  Important article in my morning paper on the serious political outlook.  Recommends the formation of a new party to carry out progressive reforms and combat the forces of Revolution and Anarchy.  Sounds excellent.  The new party is to be called the People’s Party.  I decide to join it.

Tuesday.—­By a fortunate mistake my newsagent placed wrong paper on my step to-day.  Find I was being misled by the sheet I usually take.  A new party to carry out progressive reforms and combat the forces of Revolution and Anarchy has already been formed.  It is called the National Party.  I decide to join it.

Wednesday.—­Attended public meeting advertised as being in support of the new party.  Expected to hear all about the programme of the National Party.  Instead was urged to join the Modern Party, to carry out progressive reforms and combat the forces of Revolution and Anarchy.  Signed card before leaving the hall pledging my support.

Thursday.—­Dined with Brooks, who takes very grave view of the state of the country.  Said what we really want is a new party.  Went on to outline some urgent progressive reforms and mentioned one or two necessary steps for combating the forces of Revolution and Anarchy.  Suggested that he and I should try to start a local branch of the Britannic Party.  Seemed so enthusiastic that I hadn’t the heart to refuse him.

Friday.—­Johnson called at the office during my busiest hour.  Wanted to enrol me as a member of a new party, to be known as the Efficiency Party.  No time to go into it properly, so agreed, to get rid of him.  Anyhow, the object’s a good one.  It was something about progressive reforms and combating the forces of Revolution and Anarchy.

Saturday.—­Heard at the Club that if the Coalition is not better supported in their attempts to carry out progressive reforms and combat the forces of Revolution and Anarchy, they will form themselves into a new party and go to the country.  Locally we are to have, in addition to the retiring Coalitionist, a Free Liberal candidate, a Labour Party candidate, a couple of Independent candidates, a People’s Party candidate, a National Party candidate, a Modern Party candidate, a Britannic Party candidate, and an Efficiency Party candidate.  Afraid this would make my position extremely complicated.  Decide to give undivided support to the Coalition in the hope of averting a General Election.