“My heavens!”

“Mr. Weskin says that’s how it is, ‘n’ he mus’ know.  I ’ve always had a great respeck for what Mr. Weskin knows ever since he went into court ‘n’ proved ’s the mill ‘s the other side o’ the crick from where it is, jus’ by havin’ Hiram Mullins ‘n’ Sam Duruy stand up ‘n’ swear the mill-race run ’round behind it.  I never could see how he done it, but I never felt to blame myself none f’r that, ’cause it takes another lawyer to see what a lawyer ‘s doin’ anyhow.  When a lawyer says anythin’ ’s so to me, I never take no time to disbelieve him ’cause ‘f he wa’n’t able to prove the truth o’ his own lyin’ he ’d never get to be in the law a tall.  On the other hand, though, I don’t trust him none, even if I ain’t a mite o’ doubt as to what he says.  Believin’ is cheap, you c’n believe the whole Bible ‘n’ it won’t cost a cent ‘n’ is suthin’ to your credit; but trustin’ live folks is always expensive.  ’F Lawyer Weskin says ’s you c’n be sued, you ’re pretty safe to feel it’s so—­the more so ’s it was him ’s sent Jathrop off so slick.  But I ain’t so sure ’t I ’d sit down ‘n’ let him sue me ’f I was you.  He c’n sue, from now on, but it’s for you to c’nsider whether he gets anythin’ but fun out o’ it or not.  ’F you ’re willin’ to be sued, it’s ownin’ you know you ‘ve done suthin’, ‘n’ you ain’t done nothin’—­it was the cow’s did it to you.  There ain’t nothin’ to be gained f’r even the wicked by ownin’ up to bein’ wicked in court, ‘n’ they often get off by ownin’ up to bein’ innocent.  You can’t never lose nothin’ by swearin’ ’s it wa’n’t you, ‘n’ ’s far as my observation ’s extended, a person ‘s starts out by tryin’ to be honest ‘n’ sayin’, ‘Yes, I done it,’ soon finds themselves with the whole neighborhood laid at their door ‘n’ never no thanks for it, neither.

“Mr. Weskin says ’t Deacon White says ’t some one ’s got to pay him f’r happenin’ to swallow Gran’ma Mullins’ teeth when he wa’n’t thinkin’.  Well, ‘f he’s got a right to anythin’, pretty nigh all the c’mmunity ’s got a equal right.  There ’s Mr. Fisher with a slice out o’ his side, ‘n’ them nine teacups o’ Gran’ma Mullins’.  There ’s Mr. Jilkins goin’ to set a price for every parasol punch he got, ‘n’ Mrs. Jilkins goin’ to want a new parasol.

“‘N’ then it ‘d be jus’ like young Dr. Brown to perk up ‘n’ send you a bill, instid o’ bein’ everlastin’ly grateful for all the teachin’ he owes straight to you.  He’s had a chance to perform ‘most every kind o’ operation ‘n’ to use up the last drop o’ all his old liniments jus’ as a result o’ that one cow.  Then too he’s had a chance to call old Dr. Carter over in consultation, ‘n’ in the ordinary run o’ things he could n’t o’ ‘xpected to have nothin’ to consult about f’r years ‘n’ years.  He’s a made young man ‘n’ all in one night, jus’ owin’ to you, ‘n’ the last time he whipped his horse through the square to-day, Mr. Kimball said he looked so busy ’t he supposed they ’d elect him our next mayor.