“Here, you guys are both way off.  I just asked one of the trainmen.  The 5:56 has gone.  It went at 4:20.  The next train that we get is the 6:20 which goes at 5:19.  Look, see here.  It says 5:19 on the time-table but that means that by your watch it is 6:19”—­

“By my watch it is not 6:19.  My watch I set by the clock in the station this morning when I came in”—­

“Well, the clock in the station is wrong.  That is, the clock in the station is an hour ahead of all the other clocks.”

“An hour ahead?  An hour behind, you mean.”

“The clock in the station is an hour ahead.  I know what I’m talking about.”

“Now listen, Jo.  Didn’t you see in the paper Monday morning”—­

“Yaas, I saw in the paper Monday morning, and it said that”—­

“Look, Gus.  By my watch—­look, Gus—­listen, Gus—­by my watch”—­

“Aw, you and your watch!  What’s that got to do with it?”

“Now looka here.  On this time-table it says”—­

“Lissen, Eddie”—­

Whatever else its publishers may say about it, the new New York Central time-table bids fair to be the most-talked-of publication of the season.

XLII

MR. BOK’S AMERICANIZATION

If ever you should feel important enough to write an autobiography to give to the world, and dislike to say all the nice things about yourself that you feel really ought to be said, just write it in the third person.  Edward Bok has done this in “The Americanization of Edward Bok” and the effect is quite touching in its modesty.

In “An Explanation” at the beginning of the book Mr. Bok disclaims any credit for the winning ways and remarkable success of his hero, Edward Bok.  Edward Bok, the little Dutch boy who landed in America in 1870 and later became the editor of the greatest women’s advertising medium in the country, is an entirely different person from the Edward Bok who is telling the story.  You understand this to begin with.  Otherwise you may misjudge the author.

“I have again and again found myself,” writes Mr. Bok, “watching with intense amusement and interest the Edward Bok of this book at work....  His tastes, his outlook, his manner of looking at things were totally at variance with my own....  He has had and has been a personality apart from my private self.”

The only connection between Edward Bok the editor and Edward Bok the autobiographer seems to be that Editor Bok allows Author Bok to have a checking account in his bank under their common name.

Thus completely detached from his hero, Mr. Bok proceeds and is able to narrate on page 3, in the manner of Horatio Alger, how young Edward, taunted by his Brooklyn schoolmates, gave a sound thrashing to the ringleader, after which he found himself “looking into the eyes of a crowd of very respectful boys and giggling girls, who readily made a passageway for his brother and himself when they indicated a desire to leave the school-yard and go home.”