[Illustration:  “I can remember you when you were that high.”]

“Oh, are you 1924?  I wonder if you know a fellow named—­er—­Mellish—­Spencer Mellish?  I met him at the beach last summer.  I am pretty sure that he is in your class—­well, no, maybe it was 1918.”

After an hour or two of this Edgar is willing to go back to college and take an extra course in Blacksmithing, Chipping and Filing, given during the Christmas vacation, rather than run the risk of getting caught again.  And, whichever way you look at it, whether he spends his time getting into and out of his evening clothes, or goes crazy answering questions and defending his mode of dress, it all adds up to the same in the end—­fatigue and depletion and what the doctor would call “a general run-down nervous condition.”

* * * * *

The younger you are the more frayed you get.  Little Wilbur comes home from school, where he has been put to bed at 8:30 every night with the rest of the fifth form boys:  and has had to brush his hair in the presence of the head-master’s wife, and dives into what might be called a veritable maelstrom of activity.  From a diet of cereal and fruit-whips, he is turned loose in the butler’s pantry among the maraschino cherries and given a free rein at the various children’s parties, where individual pound-cake Santas and brandied walnuts are followed by an afternoon at “Treasure Island,” with the result that he comes home and insists on tipping every one in the family the black spot and breaks the cheval glass when he is denied going to the six-day bicycle race at two in the morning.

* * * * *

Little girls do practically the same, and, if they are over fourteen, go back to school with the added burden of an affaire de coeur contracted during the recess.  In general, it takes about a month or two of good, hard schooling and overstudy to put the child back on its feet after the Christmas rest at home.

* * * * *

Which leads us to the conclusion that our educational system is all wrong.  It is obvious that the child should be kept at home for eight months out of the year and sent to school for the vacations.

XXXI

HOW TO UNDERSTAND INTERNATIONAL FINANCE

It is high time that someone came out with a clear statement of the international financial situation.  For weeks and weeks officials have been rushing about holding conferences and councils and having their pictures taken going up and down the steps of buildings.  Then, after each conference, the newspapers have printed a lot of figures showing the latest returns on how much Germany owes the bank.  And none of it means anything.