The only good mirror in the list is the one in the elevator of my clothing-store.  There is a subdued light in the car, a sort of golden glow which softens and idealizes, and the mirror shows only a two-thirds length, making it impossible to see how badly the cuffs on my trousers bag over the tops of my shoes.  Here I become myself again.  I have even thought that I might be handsome if I paid as much attention to my looks as some men do.  In this mirror, my clothes look (for the last time) as similar clothes look on well-dressed men.  A hat which is in every respect perfect when seen here, immediately becomes a senatorial sombrero when I step out into the street, but for the brief space of time while I am in that elevator, I am the distingue, clean-cut, splendid figure of a man that the original blue-prints called for.  I wonder if it takes much experience to run an elevator, for if it doesn’t, I would like to make my life-work running that car with the magic mirror.

XXIX

THE POWER OF THE PRESS

The Police Commissioner of New York City explains the wave of crime in that city by blaming the newspapers.  The newspapers, he says, are constantly printing accounts of robberies and murders, and these accounts simply encourage other criminals to come to New York and do the same.  If the papers would stop giving all this publicity to crime, the crooks might forget that there was such a thing.  As it is, they read about it in their newspapers every morning, and sooner or later have to go out and try it for themselves.

This is a terrible thought, but suggests a convenient alibi for other errant citizens.  Thus we may read the following NEWS NOTES: 

Benjamin W. Gleam, age forty-two, of 1946 Ruby Avenue, The Bronx, was arrested last night for appearing in the Late Byzantine Room of the Museum of Fine Arts clad only in a suit of medium-weight underwear.  When questioned Gleam said that he had seen so many pictures in the newspaper advertisements of respectable men and women going about in their underwear, drinking tea, jumping hurdles and holding family reunions, that he simply couldn’t stand it any longer, and had to try it for himself.  “The newspapers did it,” he is quoted as saying.

Mrs. Leonia M. Eggcup, who was arrested yesterday on the charge of bigamy, issued a statement today through her attorneys, Wine, Women and Song.

“I am charged with having eleven husbands, all living in various parts of the United States,” reads the statement.  “This charge is correct.  But before I pay the extreme penalty, I want to have the public understand that I am not to blame.  It is the fault of the press of this country.  Day after day I read the list of marriages in my morning paper.  Day after day I saw people after people getting married.  Finally the thing got into my blood, and although I was married at the time, I felt that I simply had to be married again.  Then, no sooner would I become settled in my new home, than the constant incitement to further matrimonial ventures would come through the columns of the daily press.  I fell, it is true, but if there is any justice in this land, it will be the newspapers and not I who will suffer.”