Absolutely no gentlemen with uninformed ladies will be admitted to the main stand.  In order to enforce this regulation, a short examination on the rudiments of the game will take place at the gate, in which ladies will be expected to answer briefly the following questions:  (Women examiners will be in attendance.)

1.  What game is it that is being played on this field?

2.  How many games have you seen before?

3.  What is (a) a pitcher; (b) a base; (c) a bat?

4.  What color uniform does the home-team wear?

5.  What is the name of the home-team?

6.  In the following sentence, cross out the incorrect statements, leaving the correct one:  The catcher stands (1) directly behind the pitcher in the pitcher’s box; (2) at the gate taking tickets; (3) behind the batter; (4) at the bottom of the main aisle, selling ginger-ale.

7.  What again is the name of the game you expect to see played?

8.  Do you cry easily?

9.  Is there anything else you would rather be doing this afternoon?

10.  If so, please go and do it.

It has been decided that the American baseball fan should have a distinctive dress.  A choice has been made from among the more popular styles and the following has been designated as regulation, embodying, as it does, the spirit and tone of the great national pastime.

Straw hat, worn well back on the head; one cigar, unlighted, held between teeth; coat held across knees; vest worn but unbuttoned and open, displaying both a belt and suspenders, with gold watch-chain connecting the bottom pockets.

The vest may be an added expense to certain fans who do not wear vests during the summer months, but it has been decided that it is absolutely essential to the complete costume, and no true baseball enthusiast will hesitate in complying.

VIII

HOW TO BE A SPECTATOR AT SPRING PLANTING

The danger in watching gardening, as in watching many other sports, is that you may be drawn into it yourself.  This you must fight against.  Your sinecure standing depends on a rigid abstinence from any of the work itself.  Once you stoop over to hold one end of a string for a groaning planter, once you lift one shovelful of earth or toss out one stone, you become a worker and a worker is an abomination in the eyes of the true garden watcher.

A fence is, therefore, a great help.  You may take up your position on the other side of the fence from the garden and lean heavily against it smoking a pipe, or you may even sit on it.  Anything so long as you are out of helping distance and yet near enough so that the worker will be within easy range of your voice.  You ought to be able to point a great deal, also.

There is much to be watched during the early stages of garden-preparation.  Nothing is so satisfying as to lean ruminatingly against a fence and observe the slow, rhythmic swing of the digger’s back or hear the repeated scraping of the shovel-edge against some buried rock.  It sometimes is a help to the digger to sing a chanty, just to give him the beat.  And then sometimes it is not.  He will tell you in case he doesn’t need it.