Therefore, before each player goes to bat, there should be a conference among the fans who have ideas on what his course of action should be, and as soon as a majority have come to a decision, the advice should be shouted to the player in unison under the direction of a cheer-leader.  If there are any dissenting opinions, they may be expressed in a minority report.

In the matter of hostile remarks addressed at an unpopular player on the visiting team, it would probably be better to leave the wording entirely to the individual fans.  Each man has his own talents in this sort of thing and should be allowed to develop them along natural lines.  In such crises as these in which it becomes necessary to rattle the opposing pitcher or prevent the visiting catcher from getting a difficult foul, all considerations of good sportsmanship should be discarded.  As a matter of fact, it is doubtful if good sportsmanship should ever be allowed to interfere with the fan’s participation in a contest.  The game must be kept free from all softening influences.

One of the chief duties of the fan is to engage in arguments with the man behind him.  This department of the game has been allowed to run down fearfully.  A great many men go to a ball game today and never speak a word to anyone other than the members of their own party or an occasional word of cheer to a player.  This is nothing short of craven.

An ardent supporter of the home-team should go to a game prepared to take offense, no matter what happens.  He should be equipped with a stock of ready sallies which can be used regardless of what the argument is about or what has gone before in the exchange of words.  Among the more popular nuggets of repartee, effective on all occasions, are the following: 

“Oh, is that so?”

“Eah?”

“How do you get that way?”

“Oh, is that so?”

“So are you.”

“Aw, go have your hair bobbed.”

“Oh, is that so?”

“Well, what are you going to do about it?”

“Who says so?”

“Eah?  Well, I’ll Cincinnati you.”

“Oh, is that so?”

Any one of these, if hurled with sufficient venom, is good for ten points.  And it should always be borne in mind that there is no danger of physical harm resulting from even the most ferocious-sounding argument.  Statistics gathered by the War Department show that the percentage of actual blows struck in grandstand arguments is one in every 43,000,000.

For those fans who are occasionally obliged to take inexperienced lady-friends to a game, a special set of rules has been drawn up.  These include the compulsory purchase of tickets in what is called the “Explaining Section,” a block of seats set aside by the management for the purpose.  The view of the diamond from this section is not very good, but it doesn’t matter, as the men wouldn’t see anything of the game anyway and the women can see just enough to give them material for questions and to whet their curiosity.  As everyone around you is answering questions and trying to explain score-keeping, there is not the embarrassment which is usually attendant on being overheard by unattached fans in the vicinity.  There is also not the distracting sound of breaking pencils and modified cursing to interfere with unattached fans’ enjoyment of the game.