as you seemed, I was fascinated, and allowed my
feelings to outrun my judgment, and yet I can hardly
say that such was the case, for I thought you all
a woman should be. Let me warn and entreat you,
on all future occasions, as you wish to be happy,
to deal fairly and truly with him who may seek to
win your affection. I was an unwilling listener
to your conversation with Miss Fortescue, the other
day, and there, from your own lips, learnt that while
engaged to another, you scrupled not to receive
and encourage my attentions; and more than that,
you declared your resolution, of holding out hopes
you never meant to realize. Had I known you were
bound to another, whatever my feelings had been for
you, I had never sought to win your love, but I
fully believed you ingenuous as you seemed.
Had you not met the advances so sincerely made by
me, with such seeming pleasure, whatever the struggle
might have cost me, it had passed in silence.
I will candidly own, that while my respect is lessened,
I cannot forget what my feelings towards you have
been. Time alone can heal the peace of mind you
have so recklessly wounded; but I again advise you
to reflect seriously on the past, and be assured,
that she who pursues such a line of conduct as you
have done, will ever find it militate against her
own happiness, as well as that of others; and I fear,
it has done so in the present instance, for while
smarting under the bitter feelings your behaviour
called forth, I wrote to an intimate friend, and
spoke of my disappointment, and the struggle I had
to obtain such a mastery over myself, as would prevent
it interfering with my duty. Unfortunately,
that friend was the very man to whom you are engaged;
which I did not know at the time, nor am I prepared
to say if I had, how I should have acted. George
Graham is an honourable fellow, who believed you
as faithful as himself. Thus has your thoughtless,
nay, I will go farther, and say highly culpable
levity, sacrificed the happiness of two as honest hearts
as ever beat in the human breast; I would say I pity
you, but I can hardly expect your own peace to have
suffered.
“Mine is a responsible and sacred calling; and feeling it to be such, I want, when I marry, a woman who will aid, not hinder me in my arduous duties; I have, as far as human infirmity permits, done with the world and its pleasures; but I am but mortal, and who knows to what frivolity, nay to what sin, but for the merciful interposition of God, you might have led me; and that, while bound to teach and guide others, I might, in my daily conduct, have contradicted the truths I was bound to enforce.
“On first coming to reside here, I was much pleased with Miss Fortescue, and I felt that with her, I could be happy, but her reserve made me fancy her indifferent to me, and I judged she could not return my love; and while her conduct increased my esteem, I resolved that I would not forfeit her friendship by persevering in attentions,