one hour with objectionable particularity to another
woman, was she to be consenting the next to a proposal
which might have made every previous caution useless?—Had
we been met walking together between Donwell and Highbury,
the truth must have been suspected.— I
was mad enough, however, to resent.—I doubted
her affection. I doubted it more the next day
on Box Hill; when, provoked by such conduct on my
side, such shameful, insolent neglect of her, and
such apparent devotion to Miss W., as it would have
been impossible for any woman of sense to endure,
she spoke her resentment in a form of words perfectly
intelligible to me.— In short, my dear
madam, it was a quarrel blameless on her side, abominable
on mine; and I returned the same evening to Richmond,
though I might have staid with you till the next morning,
merely because I would be as angry with her as possible.
Even then, I was not such a fool as not to mean to
be reconciled in time; but I was the injured person,
injured by her coldness, and I went away determined
that she should make the first advances.—I
shall always congratulate myself that you were not
of the Box Hill party. Had you witnessed my behaviour
there, I can hardly suppose you would ever have thought
well of me again. Its effect upon her appears
in the immediate resolution it produced: as soon
as she found I was really gone from Randalls, she
closed with the offer of that officious Mrs. Elton;
the whole system of whose treatment of her, by the
bye, has ever filled me with indignation and hatred.
I must not quarrel with a spirit of forbearance which
has been so richly extended towards myself; but, otherwise,
I should loudly protest against the share of it which
that woman has known.— `Jane,’ indeed!—You
will observe that I have not yet indulged myself in
calling her by that name, even to you. Think,
then, what I must have endured in hearing it bandied
between the Eltons with all the vulgarity of needless
repetition, and all the insolence of imaginary superiority.
Have patience with me, I shall soon have done.—
She closed with this offer, resolving to break with
me entirely, and wrote the next day to tell me that
we never were to meet again.— She
felt the engagement to
be a source of repentance
and misery to each:
she dissolved it.—This
letter reached me on the very morning of my poor aunt’s
death. I answered it within an hour; but from
the confusion of my mind, and the multiplicity of business
falling on me at once, my answer, instead of being
sent with all the many other letters of that day,
was locked up in my writing-desk; and I, trusting
that I had written enough, though but a few lines,
to satisfy her, remained without any uneasiness.—I
was rather disappointed that I did not hear from her
again speedily; but I made excuses for her, and was
too busy, and—may I add?— too
cheerful in my views to be captious.—We