Emma smiled, and felt that Mr. Weston had very good
reason for saying so. They had gone, in short—and
very great had been the evident distress and confusion
of the lady. She had hardly been able to speak
a word, and every look and action had shewn how deeply
she was suffering from consciousness. The quiet,
heart-felt satisfaction of the old lady, and the rapturous
delight of her daughter—who proved even
too joyous to talk as usual, had been a gratifying,
yet almost an affecting, scene. They were both
so truly respectable in their happiness, so disinterested
in every sensation; thought so much of Jane; so much
of every body, and so little of themselves, that every
kindly feeling was at work for them. Miss Fairfax’s
recent illness had offered a fair plea for Mrs. Weston
to invite her to an airing; she had drawn back and
declined at first, but, on being pressed had yielded;
and, in the course of their drive, Mrs. Weston had,
by gentle encouragement, overcome so much of her embarrassment,
as to bring her to converse on the important subject.
Apologies for her seemingly ungracious silence in
their first reception, and the warmest expressions
of the gratitude she was always feeling towards herself
and Mr. Weston, must necessarily open the cause; but
when these effusions were put by, they had talked
a good deal of the present and of the future state
of the engagement. Mrs. Weston was convinced
that such conversation must be the greatest relief
to her companion, pent up within her own mind as every
thing had so long been, and was very much pleased
with all that she had said on the subject.
“On the misery of what she had suffered, during
the concealment of so many months,” continued
Mrs. Weston, “she was energetic. This was
one of her expressions. `I will not say, that since
I entered into the engagement I have not had some
happy moments; but I can say, that I have never known
the blessing of one tranquil hour:’—
and the quivering lip, Emma, which uttered it, was
an attestation that I felt at my heart.”
“Poor girl!” said Emma. “She
thinks herself wrong, then, for having consented to
a private engagement?”
“Wrong! No one, I believe, can blame her
more than she is disposed to blame herself. `The
consequence,’ said she, `has been a state of
perpetual suffering to me; and so it ought. But
after all the punishment that misconduct can bring,
it is still not less misconduct. Pain is no expiation.
I never can be blameless. I have been acting
contrary to all my sense of right; and the fortunate
turn that every thing has taken, and the kindness
I am now receiving, is what my conscience tells me
ought not to be.’ `Do not imagine, madam,’
she continued, `that I was taught wrong. Do not
let any reflection fall on the principles or the care
of the friends who brought me up. The error
has been all my own; and I do assure you that, with
all the excuse that present circumstances may appear
to give, I shall yet dread making the story known
to Colonel Campbell.’”